Bone Suckin' Sauce

So as I was perusing my local Duane Reade when I came across this lovely product.

I nearly peed-my-pants. I thought I'd seen everything, but if the makers of this product was looking to garner some attention, well they certainly got it from me. I am not sure which meat I want to put it on, but apparently it makes any meat you BBQ out of this world.

Apparently, it's all the rage and people are absolutely loving this stuff! See for yourself!

www.bonesuckin.com

90210. New Drama. Same Zip Code.

As a society, we expect certain things. We spend good money on something we expect it to be good, whether it’s food, a car, a movie. There’s a high level of expectation going on, like we’ve all of a sudden all of us have become frighteningly aware of the universe and its many intellectual plateaus and we’re constantly searching for the answers that we’ve never gotten before. As adults, we have a higher level of expectation or just certain shit we’d accept. So what happens when you’re expectations runs too high and the thing we’ve waited for the most was dead on arrival? You’re disappointed. That’s right. You start running the gamut of emotions. Betrayal. Disloyalty. Anger. All of things you’d expect from having high expectations say for a parent, a spouse, a loved one, a friend or a relationship. So why in the hell are we doing this for television?!

This brings me to the new 90210 show which premiered last night on the CW. I didn’t know what to expect. So I went into this with very little pretense, but some trepidation that this would be a severe showing of wafting intellectuality. After waiting for a few months and finally watching the new 90210 show last night, I was left with one absolute conclusion – I’m old, although, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

I am not going to recap the show in any way, if you haven’t watched it, go look online for the numerous articles about the season premiere, if you need to. I am addressing one thing and one thing only and that’s expectations.

Here’s what I did expect: A new show, not really written for my generation. So I actually had an idea of what was going to happen in the first episode and I knew it wasn’t going to be anything like say anything on HBO. So you get back to those expectations. And they were high for this show. News articles were written on how people were skeptical about it, because there were no advanced screenings. How will it live up to its predecessor? Well it can’t. It never will. Because it’s not 1990 anymore people! Different Times. 90210 is not curing Cancer. It’s a television drama and as with all dramas, they are slight exaggerations of real life, teen life to be exact. So when something really happens to someone that we know, we’re able to say “Wow, that’s like an episode of Desperate Housewives!” So again, as adults, if we told someone via text message that they were being cheated on, we’d probably say that’s some high school shit right? So when it happens on show about high school kids, why are we so surprised that something like that is a plot device on the show?!

I’ve been reading all this hoopla online about how the new show is bereft of any original ideas or its one big music video, or more pretty people, with money and pretty problems, but see that’s the gist of it. That’s the gist of all the shows that are on and are just like it. Its The Hills, The O.C., Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill and god help me, even Degrassi: The Next Generation – all of them. They are aimed at one audience and one audience only – teenagers (more than likely teenage girls). Not twenty-something’s or thirty- something’s who remember growing up with this show. Hell, we shouldn’t even be watching this, but for those of us who did, keep in mind, they didn’t write this show for us, even if they did bring a few old characters from the original show.

Times have changed. Situations have changed. The ways in which we communicate have changed. High School has changed considerably and the things that kids are doing now, I never did. This new 90210 reflected that. When I was younger and waited to get into high school, I looked to that show as a way of gauging how it would be, how my life would be. Needless to say, my high school wasn’t West Beverly, but I saw the show for what it was; simply teen drama. Don’t get me wrong, the show wasn’t outright terrible. I can name several that are, but it is what it is and what it will always be; simply teen drama.

This is really in a response to the amount of criticism that I’ve read. Really bad and negative reviews have gone out and I can see why CW didn’t send out advance copies. Critics can be vicious, especially ones that want more from their scripted television shows, particularly from a continuation show that defined a generation a decade ago. They’re going to compare it to the other shows like it, who isn’t? However, the critics are not teenagers anymore. We’re not teenagers anymore. Most of us won’t get the reason for texting everything we feel or how easily it was to be betrayed and/or make friends from one instant to the next.

So if anyone went into this show thinking it was going to be Hamlet you’re just as lame for thinking it could be more than what it is. It’s taking the teen drama to the next level, not all wanting to be Grey’s Anatomy here. It’s being brash and bold and maybe not executing it right, but if memory serves me right, the original show got heat for being crap as well and then bam, 10 seasons later, it’s still on the air giving birth to shows trying to captivate audiences the same way.

I loved 90210 growing up. It was the 90’s, it was cheesy. Instead of Liz Phair, we got Paula Abdul on the soundtrack. For me the show didn’t get good until the epochal episode where David Silver became cool at the Prom. Go back and watch them, you’ll see. If not, most of the original cast of the first show is still around haunting basic cable channels. So you can see them in other places.

I just believe that we are asking way, too much from this show. Way, too much. We’re all older now. The same truths and reality for us is much different than it is nowadays and I believe we’re losing sight of that, above all when it comes to shows like this. It has a place, as much as reality shows, or the Wonder Years did. The teenagers of today are faced with more than I ever had to and this show reflects the changing times. Was it horribly acted at times? Yes. I mean, we’re not dealing with Olympia Dukakis or Sally Fields here. We’re talking about young actors and actress who will be idolized as the next teen sensations. How many of us hated High School Musical or thinks that Gossip Girl is sickening? You know why?! Because we’re not teenagers!

Adam Sandler's Bulge

Don't Mess With The Zohan, the new Adam Sandler movie opened this weekend. And if you've been in NYC, you've seen the movie posters of the Sandman all over the city; on buses, cabs, walls, and train stations everywhere. Apparently, these posters are causing people to stare and vomit due to their graphic nature. Ahem.

I read online somewhere that this girl was nauseated at the poster above because "Adam Sandler isn't sexy and his hairy legs and obviously, fake bulge repulses her." I actually thought it was funny and made me look at few times, but then again, I am gay and all. No, Adam Sandler isnt sexy. He's never been sexy and to even think that now, is just dumb of her. I think she's actually turned on by the fact that his crotch is that large. She's probably wondered about it for a while and is just acting out. But I could be wrong.

There is another poster around town that has him doing a split and does show a might crotch. These posters, I think are hilarious and is actually very, character driven, considering he is a ladies man in the movie. Adam Sandler movies are always exaggerated. I saw the trailer the other day and this will definitely be on my summer movie list. So get your chip off your shoulder lady and Don't Mess With The Zohan.

Black Panther: The Animated Series

BET announced today that they have partnered with Marvel Comics to create an animated series for the Black Panther. I have so many problems with this.

Yes, I know another comic legend is getting his own animated series, which is always cool. Then again, I also believe that this is a character that is not as widely popular as he should be and may not have that much of a huge following to have an animated series, but clearly BET believes it should be one.

It’s also pretty obvious why BET picked this character, because it ain’t about popularity. Reginald Hudlin is the Head of Entertainment at BET and he’s also the current writer for the Black Panther. Not hard to figure out. It may have changed my original thought that he was picked because of his color. It’s not shocking since it is BET and all, but I still feel that in the back of my mind.

And really, an animated series on BET? Are you kidding me? They’ve been struggling for years with bad programming and it's so horrible. Remember the BET broadcast premiere of State Property 2 a few months back? A large majority of their current programming is a mirror image of what’s out on MTV – just black. (i.e., The Hills and it’s BET counterpart Baldwin Hills, TRL and 106th & Park, etc.) This includes reruns of older shows that are now off the air. I think an animated series that’s not urban, may fail.

BET is aimed totally at younger, black audiences. It might be a hard sell to get 13-20 year olds, who may not be into comic books to get into this. Since it’s in primetime, it would have to be gritty and dark, not a G/PG version of it. And since he’s not everywhere like Wolverine, who will really know him besides the ones who read the book or people that deep into comic books? I think it might get lost on this channel. If it were on FOX, I can see it happening or even the Cartoon Network, considering they always do comic related cartoons. But BET is ghetto!

Based on their audience, my fear is that they will “thug out” or urbanize the character, transporting him from his African kingdom of Wakanda and placing him to fight evil doers in some urban city a la Batman. It has been done before and I don’t see why it won’t be done again. They’ll do anything to make him more relevant, including holding two guns and somehow incorporating massive amounts of gold into his costume. It’s what I am afraid of given what BET is, however who’s to say that won’t happen. It may not. I’m hoping it won’t. Let's pray to every comic book god we have.

The Pope Wears Prada

So I've been hearing a lot about out new Pope lately. The stories about him being a Nazi at one point in time, allowing the conversion of an Islamic to the Catholic faith and most recently his style of dress. He's been seen wearing Gucci sunglasses, a white, specially engraved iPod and some shoes given to him by GEOX. And there are a few companies trying to be the ones responsible for the new Popemobile, BMW donated a bulletproof X5 SUV to him this past October, but he hasn't used it yet.


So fashion wise, this new Pope is keeping up the times by not wearing brown shoes like the last pope, but some bright, ruby red, Dorothy Gale shoes. When I first saw the image of him stepping off a plane, I was like, are you for real?

Yes, his grace is wearing handmade loafers crafted from an "Italian shoemaker", although I don't know which one yet. Some say it's in honor of the many years he wore red as a cardinal. Bullshit, he's from Italy, he might as well throw on a pair of shoes from Cavalli, since he's in one of the top fashion captials of the world. I did some research and the papal show has been red at times, but not since like 1969. It was such a throwback.

Oh Pope Benedict, you're so Miranda Priestly right now and you kinda actually look like Meryl Streep too. I am just happy he's into fashion and not little boys.

I know -- I'm going to hell

Is it too late to write my Congressman?

Yes, I get that she’s this multi-platinum singer and she’s set and surpassed all types of records for a female contemporary music artist, but something has to be done to stop Mariah Carey from taking over the world like those aliens in Independence Day, of which I don’t think even the likes of Will Smith can save us.

Her first conquest was the internet. Mariah’s new album is called E=MC2, that’s only for the people who’ve been living under rocks or living in Pakistan these last few months. If you haven’t noticed yet, she’s strategically trying to ruin young, developing scientific minds all over the world by replacing Einstein’s Theory of Relativity with her new album name. Go ahead I dare you to look it up in Google. She’s the second result. In Yahoo, Einstein is not even suggested as a search term, she is. Junior High School science projects are now in shambles.

As my boyfriend loves to point out in nearly every conversation that has nothing to do with Mariah Carey, she’s got a new movie coming out at the end of the month, that’s premiering at the Tribecca Film Festival, which he just scored a ticket for. So not only did she have an album drop today, but she’s causing people to now drop $15 bucks to see a movie, she’s co-starring in.

To make matters even worse, MariahDaily.com, which is the equivalent of an Al Qaeda Yahoo portal, spoke about something happening in NYC in honor (aka horror) for the premiere of the movie Tennessee. Apparently, for the entire weekend of April 25th, The Empire State building will be lit in Mimi’s new album colors of Purple, Pink and White. Yeah, what the fuck?!

It is to my knowledge that Mariah has started her campaign to completely take over the world, building her army of Auto-skanks each step of the way. Her next conquest was the owners of the Empire State Building. I have never known any artist, musical or otherwise to change/enhance a monument to promote themselves. Shameless, I think not. She’s becoming a world power people and she has to be toppled.

Mariah has to be stopped now! So I’m asking, is it still too late to write my Congressman about this? Can I picket outside of the Empire State Building when it lights up? Do I have to go down on Gov. Patterson to veto this? This is ridiculous!

Creative Bumps

No matter if it’s a story, a new character or a concept, it’s really odd how creations can morph and take shape to be completely different than what it started off to be. It takes on a life of its own.

I’ve been working on this one concept for a few years now and it keeps transforming and not in a cool 80’s robot kinda way either. This concept the way it has progressed could have been a movie, or a tv show or a novel and now it’s completely going in another direction altogether. For the most part, as I create, I visualize as I move along the creative line. What would be the best visual medium for this is how I envision a lot of my concepts that I work on. When I feel that it’s not working, I’ll go back and retool. So with this one concept, I’ve been stuck on a few things as far as progression, because it gets to a point where I go, “wow that’s not going to work at all” and then I have to start all over again.

So I’m working on the script for this creation of mine that has reached comic book status and I’m working on the dialogue and then it happens again, like just now and I instead of harping on it, I decided to write a blog about it instead. The concept is clear of what and who I want to write about, but I think I am shooting myself in the foot, because the words “longevity” or “shelf life” keep popping in my head. I'm writing a comic book, but I feel that I'm writing myself into a corner thinking that this can be some sort of monthly book that I can do, when in actuality this story is so self-contained, that I’d be lucky if I can a graphic novel out of it. It’d be a good 6 issues long. So every time I write a page or two of dialogue, I’m like having visions of future issues and then I say to myself, wow this will never do. Am I dealing with a self defeatist writers concept? You betcha!

The problem that I am struggling with is that, every time I write something, I think it starts to sound like something that has already been done before and so I think I start to doubt the task at hand. I don’t want to be compared to someone else work. So coming up with something fresh and new is actually really taxing and annoying when creating a new comic book. No matter the genre, some things have been done to death and I am looking to expand on the comic genre, by introducing a cool new concept, but yet get bogged down by already established ones. Yeah, who can work like that?

So I take a breather and hopefully, this little creation of mine stops turning on it’s head and I can actually finish an issue of it. At this rate, trying to pull a Joss Whedon (almighty) is not in the cards, but dammnit if it aint the hardest thing to do, when you don’t live and breathe writing comics or just writing in general. I need to get back to it.

When I was in high school or even in college, all I did was write and draw. I created a little universe, which I think I mentioned called D-verse. It’s where I created and dumped all of my creations (heroes, villains, etc.) I wrote backstory for everyone and included current storyline notes for future reference. Needless to say, many of those stories were canned, because as time went on, the superhero genre was changing and frankly my stuff started to read like rejected X-Men storlylines or some Image Comics, wanna be Youngblood crap. It would have been goofy, 90’s noir. Cheese and spandex people. Cheese and spandex.

So it started, the morphing, everything I had, started to change. I had a bucket of characters to choose from to create new tales to spin, but yet, all of it kept expanding. Situations would change, but yet the characters were all still intact, well maybe for small tweaks. So after years and years, I can never really find a clear and defined story until like a month a go, where a story was forming and for once it was working. Characters, plot, development, all of it was taking this new rigorous form and I ran with it. Oh did I ever. So I had a premise, which I scrapped, because it was the odd back story that was stopping it from flourishing. Now that we have that out of the way, when I realized that I finished at least 30 pages of dialogue and now, none if it works, because it just changed – again! The life of a writer.