The Crush
There was this guy I was digging. I mean I was really into him. He was smart, funny, kooky and quirky like me and close to my age. We got along. He was hot as all hell too. To me he was the gay equivalent of a Unicorn. A guy like this only existed in myth and basically untouchable. And I thought he was into me, which in a normal universe spells out cool, but ultimately he let me down, albeit nicely to an "I just wanna be friends" tune. Which I accepted, didn't really understand, but then realized it later because of who he was. He was a crush.
He was a big time crush. And I got a little stupid. I realized that when you get a crush, it's very easy for that object of desire to get under your skin quickly. I was all for it. The late night conversations. Going on food runs together. The hanging out sessions. All of it. Was it dating? Maybe not. I did think it could be after a while. That’s where I think I ruined it. I acted on it. It might have been too early to tell whether or not he was really into me. Most people would say, actually my roommate, if you feel this way, then say something to him. I did. It was a hit or miss at this point with the guy and I missed. It screwed up something along the way and needless to say, I ended up as another friend to him, or at least a close one. After awhile I soon began to see how a crush could dissipate. What you're feeling is not a fully realized emotion, it might resemble love or something like it, but it’s just really a very, strong like. With crushes, they can go like this:
1). You can accept the fact that this person does not feel the same way you do and be cool with it, or
2). Hate yourself for even feeling this way for someone who obviously didn’t and couldn’t feel the same way for you, or
3). You can go the most traveled and dangerous route as “the friend”. Be careful of this one. This could get you hurt if you don’t know how to handle it.
Either way, it never is a good outcome for you. I'd never grasped how a crush was about control and never in your favor. You kind of have this feeling, this thing and it's very low on the scale, but it’s there. Not a burning desire, but this little twinge of excitement when that person is near or when they call. You don't know what it is - but it could turn into anything because it’s not grounded yet.
Keep in mind, crushes are guided and is really decided by the object of your desire – not you. Sometimes, they do work out. I am not going to tell you it doesn’t. It just sometimes seems that they don’t ever pan out for some of us. I think in the Rule Book of Dating, the term “Crushes” should have a second defining sentence to read: “the control you don’t have over the situation or your feelings”.
I did find out that you’ll find yourself subjected to affection trails: speaking in baited breath, profoundly waiting for the phone to ring and always being the one to make the first move in an effort to get things moving. Who does that, but someone who doesn’t have control over the situation? Clearly, you’re giving your power to the object of desire; waiting for the other person to make a move. Stupid? Yeah maybe, but what really drives a crush? You never truly see the little fire going on for your crush, until it burns you. How come you didn’t see it before? It’s the possibility that drives a crush. You just see the possibility and nothing else.
He was a big time crush. And I got a little stupid. I realized that when you get a crush, it's very easy for that object of desire to get under your skin quickly. I was all for it. The late night conversations. Going on food runs together. The hanging out sessions. All of it. Was it dating? Maybe not. I did think it could be after a while. That’s where I think I ruined it. I acted on it. It might have been too early to tell whether or not he was really into me. Most people would say, actually my roommate, if you feel this way, then say something to him. I did. It was a hit or miss at this point with the guy and I missed. It screwed up something along the way and needless to say, I ended up as another friend to him, or at least a close one. After awhile I soon began to see how a crush could dissipate. What you're feeling is not a fully realized emotion, it might resemble love or something like it, but it’s just really a very, strong like. With crushes, they can go like this:
1). You can accept the fact that this person does not feel the same way you do and be cool with it, or
2). Hate yourself for even feeling this way for someone who obviously didn’t and couldn’t feel the same way for you, or
3). You can go the most traveled and dangerous route as “the friend”. Be careful of this one. This could get you hurt if you don’t know how to handle it.
Either way, it never is a good outcome for you. I'd never grasped how a crush was about control and never in your favor. You kind of have this feeling, this thing and it's very low on the scale, but it’s there. Not a burning desire, but this little twinge of excitement when that person is near or when they call. You don't know what it is - but it could turn into anything because it’s not grounded yet.
Keep in mind, crushes are guided and is really decided by the object of your desire – not you. Sometimes, they do work out. I am not going to tell you it doesn’t. It just sometimes seems that they don’t ever pan out for some of us. I think in the Rule Book of Dating, the term “Crushes” should have a second defining sentence to read: “the control you don’t have over the situation or your feelings”.
I did find out that you’ll find yourself subjected to affection trails: speaking in baited breath, profoundly waiting for the phone to ring and always being the one to make the first move in an effort to get things moving. Who does that, but someone who doesn’t have control over the situation? Clearly, you’re giving your power to the object of desire; waiting for the other person to make a move. Stupid? Yeah maybe, but what really drives a crush? You never truly see the little fire going on for your crush, until it burns you. How come you didn’t see it before? It’s the possibility that drives a crush. You just see the possibility and nothing else.
posted by Dre @ 8:45 PM
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