Dating Is Like a Disaster Movie Without Ben Affleck

Ok granted - I haven't dated that much since the divorce. It's been a rough road
traveled for me. For half a decade, I didn't need to date. So now that I am single again and my bereavement/healing period is over, I'm finding myself in the dating pool again. I’ve struggled with idea a little with it. I didn’t know if I was ready. I wasn’t in a place for it. My body missed it, but my mind didn’t want the aggravation.

Several of my friends wanted me to go out and have fun, but with that fun, comes a consequence and I hate getting a rebound boy, much less being one myself. I’ve been out of a relationship a little over year now and I didn’t want my healing process interrupted by some knucklehead getting involved with damaged goods. So I stayed away from guys for a long time. I poured all my energy into the gym, my art, rebuilding my life and myself.

Then I one day, I took the plunge to see how the water was. Went in head first. Came up for air and realized this shit is scary! Also, I found the wrong pool to swim in, I found that god-awful website Adam4Adam.com. If you’ve never seen this site or don’t know how it works, you can search for guys in your area, by neighborhood, age, body type, etc. As you go through the photos, you immediately see that A4A is one big ole hook up site. I was slightly taken back by the obscene amount of raunchy member names, ashy dick photos and ass shots that were up there, but I searched looking for a gem or at least something decent. I found one dude on there. He had one up on everyone else because his picture you can see his entire face, not just his lips, or a torso shot. Let’s call him T.

T was cool. The conversation was tight. We were in the same field, so that was chill too. It was standard fare after that: emails then instant messaging for about 3 weeks. We made plans to hang out the next weekend. Needless to say, I found out he just started dating someone, but somehow forgot to tell me. I found this out when I go have dinner with a friend and an acquaintance. After dinner, as the acquaintance waits for his boyfriend to pick him up, guess who rolls up in the driver’s side of the car – yeah you guessed it – it was T. My face broke when he acted like he didn’t know who I was and continued to deny my existence for days after that. I haven’t spoken to him since.

I kept on with A4A for a little while longer, but with no luck. Unresponsive notes became common as well as received notes from several guys who resembled Shrek. I was really popular with the 40s crowd though. One of the guys even looked like R&B legend, Melba Moore. They all seemed attracted to me, but not the ones I was interested in. I tried a few other websites, still haven’t really gotten that far. What’s a single guy to do?

I don’t remember it being this way. Just watching the people around me attempting to date makes me scared to do it. For what it's worth, I don't want to get hurt again, so I am a little guarded at times. So the friend route is usually where I head. Even though dating hasn’t been the easiest, I still want to do it (sometimes). I am all for getting to meet new and interesting people and even if friendships arise from it I am cool too, but there’s that feeling of wanting something, even if it’s something casual – nothing serious ya know. I've met a few guys here and there, but they've all pretty much been - blah. Nothing substantial. I’ve also realized that at one point, there is a severe six degree of separation in the urban black and latino community. We’re all crossing paths so much, you’d think we were living in a Smurf Village, but that’s another blog entry all its own. I blame the internet of course.

Not too long after that, no more Adam4Adam for me.

And another thing (here’s my rant about it) why is trying to get to know someone proving just as difficult? Everyone is so emotionally challenging or just plain closed off to the idea that someone is interested in you. The simple courtesy of a positive response is never given. There’s always something in the way. I understand we all have our walls and fears, but at one point when do we let them go so you can grow? I am definitely trying to adhere to this, but it seems that guys I meet have hang-ups somewhere. ­­Grow up and get over it. I am doing it why can’t you? Why does exploring an attraction seem wrong lately? I don’t want to run off and swap vows, but I do think you’re cool and I want to get to know you better. That’s it. Caring for someone is becoming a task in these uncertain times. Back to my point....

The lesson here is that I’ve learned that I couldn’t look to the community portals to date, even though the temptation is there, I don’t think it’s for me. It was okay when I was 19, but not now. They’re fun and you can meet some cool friends, and I’ll still use them perhaps to socialize, but I don’t think I’ll be using them as a dating tool.

Saturday Night Horror

Most Saturdays are not like this one. Many are just normal and boring. Others are fun and exciting. This one Saturday was – um – interesting. It started with a call from my baby sister. She wanted me to help her go back to school today, but she’s having problem getting a U-Haul. For one, she waited too late. So she calls a few times this morning, waking me up from the deepest slumber that I really needed just from this hard week of work. So when she finally tells me she has one reserved, but we have to go get it right away, I get showered and dressed, but I get the final call from her that the very nasty woman gave away her U-Haul truck and now she can’t get back to school. I suggest a car service and hang up the phone from dear old sis.

My roommate and I go out for lunch. For me, since I am so late in getting a good start for the day, I get my usual Saturday morning breakfast – an iced coffee and a low-fat blueberry muffin from Dunkin’ Doughnuts. He gets his usual Sub-Way sandwich. We chill for a little bit and watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (classic) and Paycheck with Ben Affleck. It was actually pretty good. He’s not a bad action star, but Matt Damon looks more at home with it in the Jason Bourne films. Then my roommate proceeds to go hang out with the Queens Crew and I am left alone.

Hours go by. I’ve been at my desk drawing for most of the day. Frankly, I’ve been pumping out some of my best artwork in years. I’m actually really happy with it. (I was thinking about finally getting a real drafting table. I just don’t know where to put it.) So anyways, I’m at my computer desk, drawing. I’ve got some great tunes in the background – Switchfoot, Trapt and some Yellowcard. I have no idea why I like listening to rock music when I draw. I get hungry. I went to my friendly neighborhood 24-hour bodega and grabbed a sandwich. The usual: chicken cutlet with Swiss, tomatoes, ketchup and a Diet Pepsi. Content wasn’t the word.

I stopped drawing and plopped down in front of the TV. Watched Teen Titans and an awesome episode of Justice League Unlimited. And I then begin my downward spiral of the horror movie marathon. I usually don’t do something this heinous until Halloween, but it seems like those where the only things on cable tonight. So far, I’ve watched Eight Legged Freaks, Humanoids from the Deep, the first half of Resident Evil: Apocalypse, half of Dawn of the Dead and about 30 minutes of Bram Stroker’s Dracula before Halloween H20 comes on. It’s about 15 minutes to Midnight now. I know what you’re thinking –Dré why are you home watching all of these bad movies? Well….I was supposed to hang out with someone that I have a possible interest in, but he hasn’t called me. I’ve called twice so far. Left a few messages. Still nothing. This isn’t the first time either. I’ve been stood up a few times from this guy already and I’ve pretty much stopped counting the un-returned phone calls. Needless to say, it’s another disappointment for me. So….back to the horror movies….

Channel Surfing at nearly 1 AM

I think my eyes are burning.

So Halloween H20 isn’t really doing it for me right now and I am looking for something else to watch. As much as I love the fact that Kevin Williamson (of Scream and Dawson’s Creek fame) wrote this particularly entertaining chapter of the murderous Michael Meyers, this ain’t hittin the spot at the moment. So I channel surf. Clearly there’s nothing on television at the moment. Pretty much what’ve I seen earlier. I see that Starship Troopers 2 is coming on soon. I decide to check it out. I’ve always wanted to see it being that the original is secretly one of my favorite movies as cheesy as it was. As my headphones are blasting 17 Days by Prince (on repeat for the gazillionth time) I see it. In a fit of unmitigated rigidity in my channel-up finger, I couldn’t move. In the channel guide sits the horror movie of all horror movies: Emmanuelle vs. Dracula. I have now seen it all folks. And wouldn’t you know it – it’s on Skin-emax! For those of you not familiar with Skin-emax (which is basically what you call the late-night soft-core porn movies Cinemax shows after midnight) this one in particular is stupid movies based on a female sexpot named Emmanuelle. These movies are typically horribly acted, very bad use of lighting, wind machines, insane amounts of sheer sheets and canopy beds in every scene. She’s never the same woman, because this is one of the oldest movie franchises spanning about 30 some odd years. And look this one was done in 2004. That’s what’s really scary about it.

I can’t see much of a plot at this point. Right now Emmanuelle is fingering herself dreaming of being invaded by the Dark Prince and his vampire brides licking her nipples. I’m still waiting for Starship Troopers 2, so I’m watching this horrible movie to see what it’s about. I’ve never seen Erotic-Horror before. LOL. As I watch, I realize that there is a plot after all. So far there’s a bunch of hot women who haven’t quite made the transition to hardcore porn yet and there’s a shape-shifting Dracula, but not the bat changing, or mist-forming, or wolf-turning Dracula only the different-guy face Dracula we’ve read about so many times. And Emmanuelle’s best friend is having a bachelorette party. Oh wow and look who mysteriously shows up at the door, but Dracula - whose main power in this movie appears to bring out the ladies inner-lesbian. Dracula tells a story to the ladies about two-women and how be brought out their hidden desire to be with each other. The women begin to be seduced by him. One girl even has a dream and orgasms without him touching her. The others are into it, but oh not Emmanuelle. Apparently, Dracs wants to seduce them all and turn them into his vampire brides, which is standard Dark Prince MO. He turns her girlfriend into a vampire and she seduces the other girls into their hidden desires – guess what they are? – being with each other obviously! And somehow they get hotter, go crazy with the eyeliner and go over the top with the hair-styling gel once they become vampires. Here we get the plot twist. Dracs is in town because Emmanuelle’s adventures surpass his own. She is no ordinary woman to him. Meanwhile, all of her girlfriends have turned into vampires. So who will stop this madness? You know who. With Emmanuelle, being the natural seductress she is, she sets out to stop Dracula, and being he’s a natural seducer as well, he’s challenged by her and will stop at nothing until she’s his. Armed with kitchen utensils such as butter knives formed into crosses, wooden spoons for stakes and holy water (mind you she hasn’t left the house. How’d she get the holy water I don’t know), Emmanuelle sets out to destroy the Dark Prince of Lesbians. What the fuck?!

Needless to say, with all the tits and ass shown and the rampant girl on girl action, we know who their core demographic is for this puppy. But what man is into soft-core porn when there’s good real porn all over the place with actual penetration?! And I know this is a male targeted movie, due to one funny scene so far. A few strippers are called to the party dressed as police officers. Both have really nice bodies and when the stripping commences and the tight undergarments are shown, we have a frontal shot of the guys, but no crotch shots at all. All of the ladies heads are in the way. Carefully placed like the fucking vase blocking the blowjob during normal soft-core porn scenes. I was outraged! If I am going to sit through this, at least give me crotch shots! LOL You barely see male parts in this movie. Maybe an ass shot here and there. Clearly, the makers of the movie didn’t want to make the men watching it to feel inadequate from looking at the strippers, because Dracula isn’t even hot either.

So yeah – I’ve watched so much of this stupid movie now…. I’ve missed the movie I originally wanted to see. Damn you Skin-emax! Damn you! Luckily, Cabin Fever is coming on. I can erase this bad movie with an entirely different one.

Just WTF (Just What the Fuck?!)

He still hasn’t called, emailed, text messaged, sent an owl or a fox. This guy disappeared and I have no idea why. At least let me know. Was it something I did? Was it something I said? Was it something I represented? Yo just let me know. Damn.

Four Brothers: Movie Review

As the self-proclaimed geek that I am, I plant myself daily to a great website called Ain’t It Cool News. This is where I learn about the obvious cool upcoming things, like movies, television shows, comic books and other geek related projects. So when preliminary screening reviews of Four Brothers came in, after reading them - I had been hesitant to watch it. So today I went to go see it with a friend of mine and I have to admit. I was thoroughly entertained.

Without going into too much plot detail, at least not in this part of the review, the movie starts off with a robbery and a senseless killing of a store clerk and a woman in a Detroit store on Thanksgiving Eve. As it turns out this woman had four adopted sons, who all come back to bury their mom. The brothers are angry that something like this happened to their mother, who in their eyes gave 4 troublesome kids love, a home, and futures. Needless to say, they want revenge. The police investigation wasn’t enough for the brothers, because they believe that a different type of justice needs to be dispensed. The Brothers (Bobby, Jeremiah, Jack and Angel) set out to find their mother’s killers. This is all pretty much in the first 15 minutes of the movie. As the story progresses, and the Brothers unearth more clues to their mother’s killer, we find out there’s more to the story than just a random killing. We find out that their mother was actually executed and that it was all a set-up but why. The action was gritty. Great camera work. The choice of brothers was definitely a believable mix of personalities. They acted and behaved like brothers would. I liked this movie. A lot actually. However…

***Spoilers Ahead***

While I really think that the plot for the movie is definitely original, given the crap that’s been coming out of Hollywood in recent years, this is just a good old-fashioned revenge story. The concept is not original, but it’s the simplicity that makes this movie work. These four guys just want to know why someone would want to kill their saint-of-a mother. This emotion fuels the entire movie, but looses track somewhere. The Brothers in their quest become dangerously reckless and not necessarily understanding the doors they’re opening good or bad. They don’t think at all, until about half way into the movie. It wasn’t until when we find out that dear old mom’s death wasn’t accidental, we get into a weird conspiracy involving crooked cops, the obligatory crime boss who’s running half of Detroit, and the cover up of her death. Here’s my problem with that. The mother doesn’t really get enough screen time for us to make a connection with her. It starts off with her giving a lesson to a young thief about the error of stealing. Then she’s killed. We feel sorry that she died, but we already felt that way when buying the ticket. I doubt she was going to be an asshole or a bad mother. Then we wouldn’t have a movie. What we needed to see was why this woman was so important to her sons and the neighborhood. Was she well known? Yes she was and she apparently has been a woman who was a gem to the foster care system. Placing children everywhere, except for the four fucks up who couldn’t get a decent home. That’s all we know of her. Nothing else.

Then there’s the fact that we never really find out why this woman was killed. Did one of the brothers do something against the crime boss? Did one of the brothers do something so heinous, that killing someone close to them was necessary? Nope and nope. It wasn’t tragic, it was plain senseless and not relevant to the story at first. They started going in that direction, which made the story interesting, but then it all of a sudden becomes a “wrong place, wrong time” scenario. Then it goes back to her murder being linked to one of the brother’s business deals, but then it still didn’t make sense.

They kind of went into this entire situation blindly and then go “Wow. There’s crooked cops? And a crooked congressman? Oh and a crime boss too? What the hell did we get ourselves into?” They find out the underlying current of corruption there and that their mother perhaps found out something she wasn’t supposed to. One thing’s for sure this was not a character driven story here. We really don’t get a sense of who these brothers were before. Just brief mentions. (Actually we don’t see who they actually are until the end credits, where we see their lives before their mother’s death.) We do know that once their mother dies, they go all vigilante-mode on the neighborhood thugs to gather information. There’s no guilt involved which I thought would have been a good character development. There’s no redemptive spark for a third of the brothers not being there only until her funeral. I think the only one you really get a good sense of is Jeremiah (André Benjamin). He’d never left his mom and took care of her and raised a family. He tried not to get involved, but played on the middle of the fence a lot, because it was his brothers. He had a lot to loose in this; not only his brothers, but also his wife and children were all at stake here. He was the smart one of the group and it showed through a few times.

It was because of this lack of character development, that I saw the death of the youngest brother, Jack, a mile away. In all of their efforts to find out who killed their mother and all their reckless behavior, they never once realized that they are now targets. Protection of themselves and the rest of their family should have been priority, so when Jack was killed in an attack on the Brothers, it brought tears to your eyes, because he was the youngest and the most inexperienced violence wise, but likewise predictable, because he wasn’t a fighter and we knew it. So when he was lured outside of their house by a rogue snowball – I was like here it comes - he’s about to die. You knew it was coming. Retaliation from the bad guys was imminent.

Other than that, it was a solid movie. The action was decent and there were some definite high tension moments. I definitely recommend it to see or to own when it comes out on DVD.

Angry/WTF (What the fuck?!)

Called u yesterday,
U didn’t answer your phone.
- 17 Days by Prince

So why hasn't he called yet?
I have not a clue. Not even to tell me that he can't make it, or that something came up. I don't even get an explanation. Just silence. Not only is it annoying, but utterly fucked up. I keep looking at the cell phone waiting for it to ring, thinking that he’ll call. He’ll call, but nothing. Three dates have been cancelled so far. Messages are not returned. Why do I continue with it? I’m sure he’ll have an explanation soon. They always want to talk when there’s an explanation involved. If you’re not into me, just say so.

New Bankruptcy Laws Can Make You Go Broke

I am so broke, I declared bankruptcy in February or more technically I filled for Chapter 11. I had always thought about it, but I prided myself to thinking that I can handle what I was going through with some ease, some patience and what little money I had. Needless to say, I got tired of the harassing phone calls and decided to do something about it. I did have my reservations about filing for Chapter 11, but knowing a few people who had gone through the process, I began to believe it was necessary for my future and to at least start over knowing what I know now.

The process wasn’t difficult. They talked to me, asked me what my current situation was and they were extremely helpful. I told them how much I owed. If you don’t know, if you owe creditors less than the required amount to be in debt, you can’t file for anything. Who knew it was going to be this picky? They let me know all the specifics regarding the filing process, payment options and the new Bankruptcy Laws. This is where it gets interesting kids. In the last year or so, someone in the Senate realized that many Americans were filing for Bankruptcy to bail them out of hard times. Nearly half the population deemed life too difficult and due to circumstances out of their control, wanted to take control of their lives. It would appear that Americans were filing at the drop of the dime and many were getting debts cleared in a few months than the absurd amount of years it would have taken to pay for everything. It was clearly a solution many felt was necessary to take.

The government investigated and realized that much of the Americans who were filing bankruptcy were those who owed substantial back taxes. Filling for specifically, a Chapter 11, meant sticking it right up their Republican ass. Think about it. You essentially could make several financial mistakes and get it all cleared off your record. To the government that meant free education, new business equipment, tax evasion, and the list goes on. It’s the ultimate fuck over move and many started catching on. We’d all go back to zero. Makes me want to watch Fight Club now, but I digress. It was ruled that certain debts couldn’t be cleared through Chapters 11 and 13, but most debts can. Later on in January, a ruling was then past that beginning in October it would be harder to declare bankruptcy. Based on current laws, filing for either Chapter 11 or 13 (13 is similar to debt consolidation) could run you $250-800 dollars for court filling fees. In October, depending on the state you reside, those fees could reach anywhere between $1,500 and $2,400 making it almost impossible for someone to declare it.

This is where I come in. A percentage of my debt had been school loans and back taxes, so when I was told I couldn’t discard them, I immediately said “Oh Fuck!” Shockingly enough, the paralegal told me “I should have filed a few years ago.” To which I replied, “You ain’t fuckin’ lyin sweetie!” I was however lucky enough to file now and got a majority of my other appendages wiped away. No more calls from nasty creditors, except for the occasional utility company, but still combined with my lawyer retainer and the court-filing fee – I paid nearly $1,100. So I know you’re asking yourself – “Dre, if you were so broke to begin with, how would you be able to pay for something like this and actually still be able to live?” I ask that question everyday and I am still broke. However, the good news is the lawyer is all paid up. My court fees are paid and now I wait for my court date to further prove that I have no money. I do have to admit that it’s been a crunch for a few months now, barely getting by, but I’m doing it somehow. I’ll be back on my feet soon and that’s a good thing. But scraping by is not easy. Yeah I know it could be worse. Thinking about the homeless man with bad feet, yeah puts everything into perspective, but it still won’t turn my lights back on. All in all, bankruptcy is a good idea only when it’s absolutely necessary, but it leaves you with no loot for a hot minute.

3 Felony Minimum

Every morning when I get to work, in an effort to stall beginning my work day - I visit Google News. Usually I go straight to the entertainment section, because I pretty much know what’s going on in the rest of the world, war, bombings, Martha Stewart bitching about something else, some US tech company introduces new technology (in Japan no doubt) – the usual. However, today was very different. I noticed an unusual amount of Hip-Hop related news articles, this morning and for that matter this entire week so far.

Snoop Rape Suit Dropped
Young Buck and Llyod Banks of G-Unit Are Arrested
Beanie Sigel Set Free
Turk Convicted On All Charges, Rapper Faces 10 Years
Rapper DMX May Face More Charges
Foxy Brown Refuses Plea Deal For A Second Time

…and just to throw it in the Hot 97 Smackfest debacle, which is hip-hop related because the winner gets concert tickets to random Hip Hop/R&B artist shows.

I think since Lil’ Kim was found guilty of perjury last month, Hip-Hop artist have been in the news, if not the very forefront of local newspaper articles and front page news for a few years now. It’s starting to beg the question - to be a rap star, do I need a rap sheet? It would seem that way. Even more so, it may seem that way for producers as well, from the likes of Suge Knight right on down to Irv Gotti. It’s really not about the music anymore, it now seems about whether or not you can hold your own in a shoot out or a knife fight outside some ghetto ass, dance club establishment. (i.e, The Case of Fat Joe vs. Cuban Links) The face of the rap game has changed (not to mention Cuban’s face from the slashing he received from Joe). It has heralded several rap “gangs” and none of them look or sound like the one from Sugar Hill. Cash Money, D-12, Ruff Ryders, D-Block, G-Unit – the list can go on. It was bad enough when an artist was on stage and there were 30 people along side of him. Now the entourage has record deals as well. These people were/are criminals at one point, holding on to a promise made by a close friend who made it big to come back for them. So until that time, they kept it tight and continued the hustling, and the dealing and the killing to keep their rap game in check. So is going into the music industry anymore different than the actual streets you grew up in? Nope - I would say not too much.

I’m concerned.

There has to be a general questionnaire filled out before an artist signs to deal now.

“Have you ever shot someone?”
“Have you ever dealt drugs?”
“Have you ever stolen something?”
“Have you ever been convicted of the following felonies: Theft, Rape, Extortion, Money Laundering to start a record label, etc?”

If you have answered yes to at least three of the above questions, here’s your advancement check and a new recording contract. Now go get your homies from ‘round the way.”

With that said, I think it’s really sad that there hasn’t been a Hip-Hop artist/act that has come out lately that hasn’t been in some sort of trouble before they made it big. I guess all those mix-tape lyrics about “shooting up the place” really weren’t for effect. It was true. So true, it probably happened six months before their first single dropped. It also seems too high maintenance and dangerous for that matter to stay “real” to your peers and constituents. When Biggie came out, his lyrics were about life prior the fame and fortune; it depicted past experiences. We got that. It was something he did before. Okay yeah we got that too. Yes he knew it might follow him, but he really did try to stay out of trouble. Do you think Biggie was really gang banging like that? He could barely run, as we all saw in the “Hypnotized” video. So how far do you think he would have gotten a police chase? He shunned the violence, but knew it was there. The dudes out now – they know it’s there and continue to be a part of it. They exhibit that same ridiculous behavior at every Summer Jam and Source Awards we’ve seen. It never stops.

There’s this cycle I’ve noticed with Hip-Hop. We’ve run the gamut of lyrical styles and music videos. From gansta rap, through party and bullshit rap - we’re now on full-blown VIP club status, heavy-ass truck jewelry, cars and killing sprees. It’s all following a wicked pattern and it’s drowning. I for one don’t listen to it as I used to. The genre has changed considerably and it looks like it’s going to be this way for a while. So we better get used to new acts coming out after the older ones have either retired, gone to prison or worse. They’ll be following the 3 Felony Minimum Policies all the way. It’s standard in contracts and rap singles all over the industry. Apparently it’s all you need to make it big in this industry these days.

5 Times A Week

So this new workout plan is killing me.

My trainer has got me in the gym on an intensive workout regimen. I am now in the gym 5 times a week, instead of the usual 4. More weight, more reps, more Ab work. I’m sore all over, but I am seeing results. I am happier with my new body, still self conscious about it all, but I am happy.

But I just want to say, thanks to Kayne West’s Workout plan I got my phone bill paid. I was able to put sounds and 13s on my Cavalier, a free trip to Cancun and most importantly — I don’t have to fuck with Ray Ray’s broke ass no mo. =)