Private Times and the Whole 9. On the strength - word!!
Thanks Al B. Sure
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
School Preparation Frustration
I've been trying to write a review of Underworld: Evolution for a few days now, but have been bogged down by wierd feelings, mostly anxiety. So this feeling has definitely been getting in the way of my writing. I do promise another riveting and thought provoking review soon enough for the latest installment of Underworld, but I have this monkey on my back that I can't get off, so bear with me.
Where do I begin?
So I've been trying to finish my degree for some years now. For financial reasons and very much the ignored complacency factor, I'd never finished that one class I needed. I've never really shared that with everyone, so this is a breakthrough for me.
So I finally decided to make a change in 2006, especially with what's going on at my job (a.k.a. the bank merger) and was blessed enough to find out that a CUNY school in fact had the class that I needed, and a night class, and I was able to transfer the credit back to Delaware State. And luckily enough, my job will pay for it. That was awesome however, I only had 2 weeks to get everything I needed for Late Registration. Then the problems started. Since I haven't been to school in several years, I knew there were going to be some kind of adjustment period, but this shit is ridiculous because I haven't started yet. I don't miss this aspect of school at all and it hasn't changed or I am just that ill-prepared.
1). Since I am a visiting student, I have to get a permission letter from DSU to take the class. I'd contact my old Department of Management and spoke with the Dean's Office. I faxed over the course description and everything was fine, but I needed a letter from the Department Head to proceed with my application. This has not happened yet and mind you, Late Registration is for Thursday and Friday only. I still have time, but still I am cutting it close. I've been getting excuses from DSU as to why this hasn't happend yet. I can easily say that I was foolish to think that this would be really easy and happen quickly -- it's not, but in a way it should be. Just tell your damn secretary it's okay for me to take the class, have her type it up on a letter head, stamp the bitch, fax me a copy, then send me the original just in case I need that too. See very simple, but this is taking a very long time and I am getting pissed. The secretary promised me she would get back to me by the end of the day and she didn't so I am not going to leave her a nasty message. (Not yet anyway. Let me get my shit first.)
2). Also according to NYS law, I have to present my immunizations records which I haven't seen or used since I was in day care/grade school. Why they need this I have I no idea? It's like I'm coming from the University of Khafaloogey in Romania, where immunization might be an issue. Since I haven't seen this record since I was like 10, I called DSU if they had a copy which they would, since that was the last educational institution on record. Apparently, anything below 2000 have been sent to record retention and not available and could not become available, if I really needed it for at least 2 weeks. They couldn't help me, so I had to make a doctor's appointment to get this. Guess when this is? Tomorrow at 2:30. See cutting that shit close again.
3). Getting a proof of residency is a no brainer, but there is that lingering issue of do I really want them to see a recent cable bill with my large, outstanding balance due in bright bold red letters. I think not, but I have to swallow that pride if that would prove I can get into school. I've got a couple of utility bills, I hope that works. It's gotta work at this point. However, it's the line about providing 12 monthly statements of various forms of residency proof that's killing me. Can you imagine me bringing in 12 cable, DSL, and phone bills in to them? Are they nuts. I think I'm just going to bring in my driver's license and few bills and they can do whatever with it.
Then after all that is said and done, I need a $65 late-registration application fee (those extortionist!) and get a bill so my job can pay for it. All in the time frame of class starting on monday. Pheww! I definitely don't miss the hustle and bustle of going back to school. From what I see, not much has changed and that strong feeling that nothing will go smoothly is back again and I am only anticipating those fucking long lines at the Bursar's Office and Admissions Office either tomorrow or Friday. It's alot to deal with, but I gotta do it. This is my future I am dealing with and it needs to happen. But this shit is driving me crazy! DSU is fucking with me big time. If they come through for me tomorrow, I'll be grateful, but before that happens I'll be sitting here pulling my hair out in worry, trying to prove I don't have the measels or mumps and that I've been living in NYS for the last 28 years and not in some terrorist sleeper cell.
Sigh. Tomorrow is another day. We'll see what that brings.
Biggie said it best “I’m livin' everyday like a hustle, another drug to juggle. Another day, another struggle.”
Okay you can minus the drug part, but life -- it ain’t easy. This life is not easy at all sometimes. We all go through things and sometimes it seems like that’s all we do is go through them all the time. If it’s not one thing it’s another. Back to back consistent heartache and inner-conflict. Circumstances or lack of finances. Life can be cumbersome and often unforgiving at times. Tedious and lackluster. You name, it's there. Sometimes this life doesn’t seem to let up. Even though hope is lost and faith is shaken, there is a brighter side to it all.
So this is for those of us caught in the struggle. (There are so many of us too.) You’re not alone. I salute you. We are legion vast and no matter what we have going on in our lives that might bring us down, we have to rise above it all. I know it could be worse. I say that to myself all the time. However, seeing a homeless man on street doesn't change my mind about it either. Yes, it could be THAT worse, but I am not that man. I am no where close. You are not that man. You are no where close. Worrying about how it can be worse, won't keep the lights on or food on my table after I walk away from him. Anything could be worse, but you can't let that type of sentiment cloud your judgement. We tend to get caught up very easily. It's just a reminder to get your ass in gear and change your life. This reminder is our chance to change. To do better, if we can. We must not remain content with our circumstances, lest our circumstances get the best of us. Absorb the strength of your brethen and rise above.
What about counting your blessings? Do it. I sure do. The hardships seem to outweigh them at times, but troubled-thinking leads to troubled lives. Just keep counting them. So far in 2006 I've learned not to live in regret, but to learn and move on.
A great man said once or maybe just my therapist, "Think of life, like a river. It may look like same river to you, but it's not. That river changes every day. New water or life in the river is constantly moving making that river fresh and revered by nature. You have to be that river."
Saturday, Kenny and I traveled to the Poconos. It was his nephews’ birthday (both of them) and a majority of his family lives in PA, so we decided to have a road trip Saturday morning out there. We had rented a car on Friday and headed up early Saturday morning. It was a 3 hour drive and it flew right by. The party however, didn’t start until 4, so by the time we got there we had some time to kill. So Kenny wanted to show me around where he grew-up, went to high school, and just the area in general.
Now, I have never been to the Poconos before, and I was excited. The view changed significantly in Pennsylvania. I am used to Jersey woods, but for some how these were different, because they were new to me. There were so many chances to see great things, like the Delaware Water Gap and a few scenic outlooks of valley, but we didn’t stop – maybe another time. However, I was slightly concerned that every road we were on had “Beware of Falling Rocks” signs or “Deer Crossing” or my favorite “Save a Life, Slow Down” sign. A majority of the trip you’re driving through valleys of rocks, beautiful and spooky at the same time. I had no idea people sped through there, and they did. This weekend was beautiful weather, I was afraid we were going to get hit with rain, because before we left, it had started to drizzle in Brooklyn and I had wanted to be out of the city before that happened. Luckily for us, once we got outside the Holland Tunnel, it was sunny, but the wind was ridiculous.
We listened to the radio up until Jersey, then we popped open a CD. No gay road trip is complete without some music, and this was no exception. We threw in the RENT movie soundtrack (Yeah – I know – gay.) and sang along, while the scenery changed. There was still some snow up there and kept forgetting how this is a big ski resort for most. We also went past Syndersville, and for you movie fans out there, that was the same town that our girls, Vida, Noxema and ChiChi stopped in Too Wong Foo. (Yeah – I know – gay.) I had fun discussing this, so….
Now grant it, I know we’re in Pennsylvania, but this was redneck country just as much. Rolling hills and large expanses of forest was abounding. Tackle and bait shops were on hills and little general stores still exist here. At one point, I thought the scenery was very, horror movie-esque. Kenny talked about getting a room for the night and I had this fear that if we did that we’d be hunted by some evil that lurked in the woods, or just plain gay-hating folk and I would have to do my best impersonation of the virgin escaping the terror that killed all her friends. We made jokes about hearing strange noises in the woods and going to investigate them. I played with the idea of staying, but was more than willing to head back to NYC after the party, since the drive was really quick to me. Besides, any hotel that doubles as a dinner and sold hunting equipment didn’t quite live up to a Howard Johnson standard.
We arrive at Kenny’s parents house and they live in this kind of pseudo-secluded community, where everyone has acres of land and is surrounded by more trees and your neighbors are down the road, not too far, but you can walk there in a few minutes or so. On the way there, you had to drive 15 mph due to the streets being so narrow and also two-ways, it was treacherous from the abundant ditches, so I was driving very carefully. Then we saw it, this creature came out the woods and started walking towards our car. The car ahead of his stops too and the driver gets out to get a closer look. Turns out it was a dog. It didn’t look like a dog from far away, but a hound from hell. (I am telling you this town was that spooky.) Watching the dog come out of the ditch in front of us was like something out of a Stephen King book. I kept waiting for the car to be surrounded by more of them. Then upon further inspection, Kenny knew the dog and it belonged to his cousin, who also lived around the bend (LMAO) only in the country can you use that word. The dog clearly was going back home and we had interrupted his walk.
A little after we arrived at his family’s house, we went down town to the fair hamlet (you can use that word in the country too – LMAO.) of Jim Thorpe. This was such a cute town, it was deep in a valley, so all of the trees on the outskirts of the town and the way the sun hit everything was so gracious and lush. I fell in love with it right away. It was definitely a tourist spot, because there was these little quaint bed and breakfast places lined up down the street.
The store was called The Emporium of Curious Goods. There was also a gay flag on one of the stores. This took me by surprise, because I didn’t think I would see gay people here, but this store must have a large gay clientele, so we ventured in. Kenny, let me know that there’s a gay resort in the Poconos called Rainbow Mountain (insert joke here). I felt like getting a lamb-wool lined, denim jacket and head up the mountain ala Brokeback style. Anyways…this store was fantastic. It had all types of stuff nick knacks of all types, very antique merchandise and then on the other side weird furniture, like things you would find at an Anne Rice yard sale. Then we get into the weird part of the store.
They have an entire wing dedicated to witchcraft or the WICCAN religion. This I thought was also the best part. They had books about witchcraft, spells potions, crystals, ingredients, and witchcraft manuals, even cloaks. This was nuts! This was probably why I had all of those ominous feelings, there’s some wacky teenagers invoking spirits and calling the Watchtowers to bring forth Mennall. The ambiance of the store was totally cool too. There was this weird Celtic singer on the sound system. They even had ceremonial daggers. There were these political rants posted all over the place for the ignorant and uneducated of what WICCAN really is and they are definitely gay friendly in this store, so I felt great to be there. We left there and went to Wal-Mart. We needed to get some last minute things for Kenny’s nephews, so we hung out there for a little and headed to the party.
The roller skating party was cute, because we had the run of the place to ourselves. It was just totally for the family, so there was no outside people there. I felt bad for Kenny, because he hadn’t been on skates in 12 years and I was a little rusty myself, because it had been about 3 years for me not being on a pair. What was really funny was the inappropriate hip-hop playing at the kid’s party, I could only laugh at it. The party was only 2 hours long, so after wards we decided to head back home, but first we stopped at the outlets and did some damage on the way there.
On the way back, we got a little turned around in Newark (not a great place to be at night) and got back to Brooklyn at a decent time. We ate some food, watched a very funny SNL and the SNL: The best of Molly Shannon DVD and knocked the hell out. All in all it was a fun trip. I would love to go again and maybe get to go snowboarding out in the Poconos. Maybe later on in the winter I can do that.
I usually go to Google News to get my updates of the world of entertainment and look what I found. This is an article posted at MTV.com about two hours ago. This just goes to show you, that if you have a warrant out for your arrest people, don't audition for reality tv.
"Tuesday should have been the beginning of America's love affair with the smooth-singing Brittenum brothers. The identical Memphis twins wowed the "American Idol" judges during their audition with some Sam Cooke-like vocal runs and made it through to the next round. But that first appearance may be the last we hear from the 28-year-old siblings for a while. Terrell Brittenum has been in jail since January 10, and his brother is wanted by police.The Brittenums had outstanding criminal warrants when the show aired. Both were charged in Rockdale County, Georgia, with forgery, theft by deception and financial identity fraud over the purchase of a 2005 Dodge Magnum last June. "
Does American Idol Have A Gay Problem? No. Not all at. There have been some stellar gay folk in the show since Season 1. We’ve had some great achievements of gays going really far in the competition as well. Most notably, Clay Aiken (his publicists can say anything they want, this guy is as gay as hell!) as the runner up in Season 2. Then you have ones that gain notoriety in the competition, like the openly gay, Jim Verraros, Briana Ramierz, Anwar Robinson or our new golden boy of the is he or isn’t he fame, Mario Vasquez. You had a few sprinkled in last year’s competition that went unnoticed, like the other Spanish guy Joseph Murena, who made the Top 16 (You remember him with the really tight jeans?) but it’s really the other ones that somewhat go unnoticed in a way, but they are completely making asses out of themselves during try-outs. One could as far as saying that the gays are ruining American Idol.
This year’s tryouts are no different then previous seasons. There’s always some young gay kid thinking he can sing trying out for American Idol and they are absolutely dreadful. It’s gotten bad kids, because I think someone has taken note and decided to exploit it this year. Last year was really the year I noticed it. Amidst the geeks, freaks, and all the full-figured black girls who think they have what it takes, there’s this little corner of people who, if you don’t catch right away will completely make you hate the fact that they are doing this. So far, there have been three try-out episodes and the gay kids who are appearing on them are getting worse and worse. Not only can they not sing, they’re bad dressers and completely delusional. Clearly their families should loose custody of them for subjecting them to this torture, not for them, but for us. To allow them to get on a national and hugely popular television program and do this to themselves – is beyond child abuse. It’s downright criminal. I don’t feel sorry at all for them at all. They’re nuts to think they’ll make it to the next round without a shred of talent.
You know what really does it for me, it’s the pre-interview of them waiting outside the audition room and how good they can “sang”. Then once they get inside it’s the bad notes, bad range and just bad choice of song they pick. And then the look on their face is priceless when someone says that they’re horrible – they can’t believe it. And this year the judges are not playing. Simon is cut throat this time around with telling people to their face that they are insane for even trying to attempt this. For once, I don’t blame him. He told some kid to cut off his beard and put on a dress, because the only thing he was cut out for was female impersonation. Ouch! But the kid had it coming.
The reality of it is, it’s done on purpose. I think it’s interesting that we don’t see the pre-screening that happens before the auditions even hit Simon, Randy and Paula. Someone hears these poor souls prior to them even getting their numbers. It’s those people who let these kids through who we should hate though. They need to be shot. And clearly they’re doing it for ratings. It’s one thing to let the occasional, ventriloquist or the crazy, Goth chick with lime green hair through for entertainment, but to let insane homos through sets the movement back some 20 years. No matter what, the try-outs are the funny shit before the actual competition starts. Apparently we need to see the judges shocked and bored at these knuckleheads. It's quickly becoming one of the most popular aspects of the show. We’ll get a glimpse of the good ones, but we have to endure the bad ones first. In their search for the next William Hung, we have to suffer? Shame on you FOX.
So last night’s episode was an absolute nightmare when the poor gender-confused boy decided he was going to first, let the judges be rest assured that he is a boy and not an under-developed 18 year old girl, and to top it off he was going to sing Whitney Houston’s Queen of the Night. It was profoundly scary and it hurt just to watch. They told him the usual comments and needless to say he didn’t get through to the next round. Then the boy/girl goes on a rant and cries about how American Idol is racist and how they are a bunch of bigots. I was shocked that he would take that stance just to feel better about his lack of talent, but first off, you’re white, second, you can’t sing. They didn’t pick you, because you are a bad singer. Accept it. America has. And PS you’re not the first gay/supposedly gay person to be on the show or picked for that matter to go on to the next rounds.
I am sure we have to endure another excruciating audition episode and I am sure we’ll get to see some of the better homosexuals later on, once the Hollywood auditions start. So until then here’s my open letter or plea to all of the other homos who plan on auditioning next year:
Stop! You know you can’t sing! Just because you sing along to your walkman, sing in church where no one can hear you, or sing at drag competitions, doesn’t make you a singer, or for that matter American Idol material. At this point, we all know how the game is played and what the producers of the show are looking for. Why do this to yourself? Stay at home and don’t get your feelings hurt. Ask for honest opinions from your family. Don’t have them spend money on airfare. Maybe take voice lessons, but don’t get up and think you can make a competition like this and have me shutter in pain when you sing. I have enough of that from Sharkira.
As a typical geek and a geek in-training, Trav and I were watching my newly cracked open, Buffy the Vampire Season 7 DVD box set last night (I just opened it a few days ago and we're nearly done with it.), when we had an ideal discussion on a very, prominent topic in Slayer Mythology, which arose in one of the episodes. This lead to Trav looking up some information regarding the Slayer online and I decided to follow-up his search this morning and see what I can turn up as well. In my search I came across this fantastic website called RetroJunk.com.
All I can say is I am in heaven now. RetroJunk is a television junkies ultimate destination. It's a website specifically geared towards just utterly great cartoons and live action shows from the 70s, 80s and early 90s that I grew up with. These things defined my generation and made me love television. The site gives you episdoe listings, synopsis, old toy and cereal commercials and even the intros to the shows along with the lyrics, cast information and more! I am sitting here at work, not really wanting to do anything, but play the Kids Incorporated theme song over and over again. Fergie (from the Black Eyed Peas) was just a wee little lass in this show. I loved it! I am even rocking out to Jem and the Holograms right now! (That's how you know I'm gay.) It's sick!
This website has shows that I loved and ones that I haven't thought about in years. It's given me a big smile on my face all morning. All my old Saturday morning favorites are here with their cheesy 80s rock music theme songs! The geek in me is completely in full force right now! Waves and waves of memories are hitting me all at once. I just remember these were the things I used to look forward to when I was younger. I used scream at the top of my lungs, so my mom could turn to the channel I was watching, just so she could see what toy I wanted. Oh and 'member at the end of summer, right before school started, the networks would have these Fall Preview shows of some of the cool cartoons that were coming out that season. God! I'd love to see that again. Saturday mornings were sacred times for me and those memories will live on, as long as I have a website like this to make me think about it. So do yourself a favor, check out the website and remember when times were simple, you had no worries and your biggest concern was Saturday Morning cartoons.
I didn't finish my Buffy research, but I got this for my roomie!
I think I’ve told everyone this before – I absolutely love horror movies! They’re fun films by nature and will always have standout entries, but the genre always tend to have those that utterly fail. There’s clearly a manual out in Hollywood called, “How To Make A Horror Movie”. For as long as I can remember, there has always been a certain formula to making these types of movies. There’s always some sort of psycho killer on the loose, a supernatural predator, aliens, vampires, werewolves, the lone female forced to grow up, and teen angst running rampant throughout horror movies. We’re all pretty accustomed to it and nothing is really, scary anymore. Every once in a while you’ll get a genuine screen gem, like the original Nightmare on Elm Street, the first Scream, or most recently SAW that’ll make you jump and shriek, but nothing tremendous.
One of those huge drawbacks to the genre was Cabin Fever. This was one movie where I wished I never had watched, but I was up late and there was nothing else on. Good lord I wanted my eyes to swell when I was watching it, but I was compelled to finish it anyway. Cabin Fever didn’t sit well with me at all. There was of course the teen angst, but also crazy rednecks (as usual) and a nasty flesh-eating virus. The manual was so used here. It was horrible, so when I found out that HOSTEL’s writer and director was none other than the same person who did Cabin Fever – reluctance wasn’t even something I would use to describe how I felt. It was dread. The buzz on the net was that HOSTEL was looking good and Eli Roth was trying to redeem himself as a filmmaker with this one. He even included is good, buddy Quentin Tarentino on this. The manual on How To Make A Horror Movie was definitely used in Cabin Fever, but was completely thrown out of the window for HOSTEL. This was beyond any horror movie I’ve seen recently. I thought SAW was heavy on the gore, but HOSTEL took the gore factor to about level 10. The previews looked good from what I had seen so far. Pre-screening reports were coming in that people where spotted vomiting while exiting the theater, which I thought was just a publicity stunt until the theater I went to handed out brown paper bags on opening night. I didn’t know what to expect at all, but I was excited.
To put it simply, HOSTEL is about 3 young guys, backpacking through Europe looking for fun and hot women. They come across a guy who lets them know that all of the hot women can be found at another hostel in a village called Slovakia and they should head there. They get to the HOSTEL and immediately get involved with beautiful foreign women, but soon trouble finds them, because one of the guys goes missing. Unbeknownst (I frikkin love that word!) to the travelers, there’s a world that they have no idea exist, (for our sakes, I really hope doesn’t exist) where this hostel gives way to personal desire and fantasy on a very evil level where sex, drugs and hot women don’t hold the same excitement as it used to now there’s torturing, maiming, dismemberment and killing. Our hero, Paxton (Jay Hernandez), must get to the bottom of what’s going on, because not only does his best friend disappear too, but he himself is dragged, kicking and screaming into this wicked world.
For the first 45 minutes, you would think you were watching a National Lampoon’s movie. There were gay jokes, frolicking nude women, drinking and sex. We at least get to see Jay Hernandez shirtless and in some really tight boxer briefs. He’s definitely the hottest Mexican I’ve ever seen! Then once our characters are introduced to the hostel of their worst nightmares, the action kicks up and doesn’t let go. The lush, old world backdrops are replaced with dirty, rooms and torture chambers. HOSTEL is a roller coaster ride where it becomes gritty and gore filled all at once. What you’ve seen in the trailers is nothing.
Eli Roth has given us pure, old school gore in the same vein as such classics like, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and most notably Rob Zombie’s House of A 1,000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects. This movie is not joking. It will freak you out and gross you out. It’s unforgiving visuals are extremely visceral. You see blood, torn flesh, burned flesh. There were several “oh damns”, “oh fuck” and “oh shits” coming from the audience when something truly heinous was done on screen.
(As always Spoilers ahead.) This movie is heavy handed on the gore. It was all a necessary evil and completely for effect to freak us all the fuck out. I even got a little queasy at one point. I think if it didn’t do its job, it would have been labeled a flop, or in urban theaters just plain “whack”. There would have been nothing to separate it from, perhaps the SAW movies. The gore was the star. I didn’t even know Jay Hernandez was in it, until I saw the trailer. Also, the tone had changed so much from the beginning of the movie you almost forgot what happened in the beginning. There was little to no character development though, because there weren’t any. Of course Hernandez’s character does go through a lot and is forced to take some lives to save his own, which is an understandable thing, but you can see it becomes easier for him to exact his revenge on those who he came across that had anything to do with the hostel or his friend being killed and he knows it. At the end you see this sense of weird accomplishment in his face.
There are some really cool moments and some funny ones, which is hard to imagine during a movie like this. For instance, Paxton loses 3 of his fingers in a botched torture attempt and for a few minutes tries to escape with his fingers stuffed in his pocket. It’s such a weird thing to do if you’re trying to run for life. “Let me not forget my severed fingers.” Most people would just have forgotten them and moved on. Nope, not this guy. Then there’s also a scene where Paxton exacts his revenge on the people who got him into the hostel. He completely runs over them and once more for good measure. This was all done to hoots and howls in the theatre to completely kill the fucks who did this to him. It was great!
Like I said before, the How To Make A Horror Movie manual is used a lot throughout Hollywood on many films. It was not used here at all. HOSTEL is go-for-broke movie with unforgettable scenes. I hate to say that this fabled manual maybe brought out again, because I just read about a sequel being requested due to its outstanding performance at the box office. The horror movie formula is going to continue to be used whether we want it or not. This manual will either kill our love for the genre or re-install our faith in it. It’s a little hard to accomplish that with the lurid amount of classic horror-remakes that’s seeping through using the expanded edition of this manual. The next one up is a remake to The Hills Have Eyes and the inevitable Final Destination 3. I could only imagine what those will look like. Oh well. I just hope Eli Roth burns his copy before writing HOSTEL 2.
Movie Review: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
This is possibly the longest review/rant I’ve ever written, so please bear with me.
The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, is part of the beloved, fantasy series written by C.S. Lewis. LW&W is the second book of the series and introduces us to Peter, Edmund, Susan and Lucy, brothers and sister, as they are shipped to the country at the very, beginning of WW II. While playing hide and seek, the youngest sister, Susan, finds a wardrobe to hide in and is magically transported to the winter world of Narnia. Their adventure begins and they soon find out that they are vital to Narnia’s survival, because it was prophesied that they are the future Kings and Queens of Narnia, but they have to defeat the evil Witch Witch, the new and self inducted ruler of Narnia. Soon Aslan (or the acting King of Narnia, who’s power has been usurped by the White Witch at this point) appears to help the children realize their importance sets forth to show them their destinies.
Throughout the story, the children are quickly introduced into the world of Narnia. They befriend the Beaver family who informs them of the prophecy. Meet nasty talking wolves. Learn that the Witch is merciless and wicked. Become part of a vast army and fulfill their destinies as the future rulers of Narnia. The action is great and not sparse, but you can tell Disney took precautionary steps on acting out certain scenes with care. Their audience, who will be mostly adults who read the books and their children, will take note of one scene where Peter has to prove his worth by stopping Maugrin, the wolf. Maugrin leaps at Peter and also throwing himself on Peter’s sword. You don’t see the actually stabbing, but the next scene Maugrin’s body is clearly dead (no blood shown here either). It’s the same way with Aslan dying, Susan throwing her knife, Edmund being stabbed, or Aslan killing the Witch. There’s several cut-away scenes, which lessen the blow for the children viewers, but completely annoy the adults who would expect to see it – except it will make the Christians that much happier. There were no twists or unexpected developments (at least not story wise). The foreshadowing was apparent. You can see things coming a mile away. Like the look in Peter’s eyes in the very, beginning when he sees a soldier, you kinda knew he’d want to fight or prove himself as a warrior once he to Narnia. The potion given to Susan to heal any wound, it was a sure bet she would have to use it on someone special/important. (And she did.) The story is pretty basic stuff. This is definitely a junior version of Lord of The Rings. I am not sure if C.S. Lewis wrote it that way, but Disney definitely had something to do with its tone now.
Not having read any of the Chronicles of Narnia books prior to viewing this movie might have proved problematic for me, if I didn’t let go of exactly that issue before going to see this movie. I had no knowledge of C.S. Lewis’s works. I had always heard of the Chronicles of Narnia, but never read them. When people tell me they had to read it in high school, I was the opposite. I had to read The Hobbit by Tolkien in high school, which led to the Lord of the Rings. No one mentioned Lewis’s works at all. I wasn’t in the type of circle of friends yet that would compare the works of the two Fathers of Geekdom. So I decided to not let my bias and extreme love for the Lord of the Rings series pit me against this movie right off the back. And as I understand it, Tolkein and Lewis were old drinking buddies and wrote these stories after hours and hours of drinking together. So I am thinking there might be similarities as well.
Like I said before, I had not read any of the Narnia series before seeing the movie. I didn’t even attempt to try and read them prior to going to see it. So not having love for the books was not present and thus I was a blank slate. The Chronicles of Narnia had me at a point where it could possibly make me a new fan of the series or have me completely not interested in it at all. It was a chance that I took, especially since many of the literary works that are turned into motion pictures most fans of the books boo very loudly and scoff at changes made during filming almost with personal grudges against the executive producers. So I didn’t have that baggage with me. I wanted to enjoy a new story with no outside influence. I didn’t read anything reviews or articles regarding the film at all. I knew nothing.
Knowing that Disney had their hands in it, I automatically wrote it off as Diet Lord of the Rings, but after watching it – it was a decent fantasy tale. I say decent, because after all it’s a PG rated flick. It’s suitable for children without getting overly violent and bloody with the spoils of war. (There was no blood. Fighting. Lots of stabbings, and arrow piercings, but no blood.) And don’t forget the several religious overtones throughout the story. No wonder it’s beating out that heathen of a movie, King Kong, the Christians are in force and are seeing Narnia multiple times during the week. I enjoyed it though. The special effects were fantastic given the large amount of talking animals there were in the movie. The animation for Aslan was also superb. It was entertaining. The final battle was good, not LOTR caliber, but good nonetheless. However, throughout my viewing I had these rampant “what the hell?” moments. These are confusing moments you get when one has not read the book prior to the movie. I am sure many like myself will go through the exact thing while watching. So I definitely have to get my ass in gear for The DaVinci Code. Here’s what I didn’t like about the LW&W.
I’ll keep making this statement to keep my ignorance right up there on this - I DID NOT READ THE BOOK. There were things stated that were so confusing to me, that the only way I would have known about them is if I had read the book(s) or asked someone who had read them. I tried to get over the many weird/illogical/odd points, which popped up. So please forgive my criticisms on this if you’ve loved the books and/or the movie. I know there is a certain degree of suspension of disbelief in all movies, but sometimes there’s just blatant crap that I can’t let go. There’s spoilers abound folks, so be careful if you haven’t seen it yet.
What the Hell Moment #1 - Mr. Tumnus is a Faun, which is a half-man, half-goat. So the goat half is all furry and hoofed, but the man half was pretty much shirtless. Then why give him a scarf? Is it magical? Does it keep his human half warm? It’s winter and it’s snowing, draping just a scarf around him and nothing else is not only pointless, but makes him look dumb. And yet, he has on this same scarf when he’s being held captive in the Witch’s castle and is shivering. Go figure. I guess the scarf isn’t that magical after all. Maybe it’s just me.
What the Hell Moment #2 – Mr. Tumnus comes off as such a child molester. His conversation with Susan was so creepy. I would have thought Disney would have caught that little piece of “Don’t Talk to Strangers” scene and done it differently. I completely for child-like curiosity, but this is a bit steep. Not only did Susan trust a man she didn’t know, but a half-goat man at that. Then went to have tea at his house! Clearly she was okay with the fact that she just walked through a wardrobe into snow and she’s seen Fauns all over Europe in all her 10 years on Earth, so she was cool going off with Mr. Tumnus. Then in his explanation of what he has “to do to her” was disturbing. I am sorry, but it freaked me out. He could have said, “I have to give you to the Queen” or “I am taking you captive”. Nope he tells Susan he’s kidnapping her. How’s that for trusting goat-folk? Give you food and tea and then off to bondage you go. What does that teach our youth? Never trust half-goat men. Ever!
What the Hell Moment #3 – At one point the children befriend a talking Beaver and his wife. This is where they find out about the prophecy, Aslan and the Witch. They are then pursued by a pack of wolves through tunnels under the Beaver’s dam house. The children are able to successfully run through the tunnels, with no more than slightly bending over, still being chased by wolves. Hmmm….tunnels built by beavers, that was able to house human beings….when the hell have you ever seen a beaver make a tunnel built for people?! Yet there’s one. I thought maybe the beaver didn’t like to crawl, but walk on two legs to where he was going, but then again, he pretty much crawled in other seen on all fours. Scratches head. Maybe the tunnel was for his other animal friends?
What the Hell Moment #4 – The Winter season started coming to an end when the children arrived in Narnia or when Aslan appeared? They never explained why this started happening, but it was hinted at because everyone had heard of their arrival and that hope alone was melting the snow away or was it because Aslan was there? Okay likely story, but not very believable since it was a spell cast by the Queen to have it be winter all the time. So why did Narnia all of a sudden decide it was time for winter to be over when certain people start showing up? One would have thought that would happen once the Queen was killed or the kids found a way to make warmer climates come back. Nope all it took was for them to be there for a few hours and poof - winter’s over. And the Queen never said anything about it, but she would have gotten away with it, if it weren’t for those pesky kids and their stupid cat!
What the Hell Moment #5 - The subtle disappearance of the memory of the children’s parents. In the beginning when the bombs were being dropped, Edmund raced back into the house to get their father’s picture that was off in the war. After that there was a brief mention by Susan to Tumnus that her father was off to war, but yet we didn’t know if he was alive at all. They leave their mother and mention her again when they get to Aslan’s camp. After that no mention at all. We don’t know if their mom was alive or not. I had to ask Trav who’s read the books, apparently the longer you stay in Narnia, the more you forget your past. Who knew? Disney didn’t say that. I may be nitpicking at this point, but how was I, a non-reader of the book going to know that?
What the Hell Moment #6 – The religious tones in this book was insane. As I researched more, I found articles dedicated to Lewis’ Christian allegories throughout the book. Like the Sons of Adam and Eve, Aslan sacrificing himself, like Jesus, etc. Oh and then there was the Christmas thing. Christmas is also celebrated in Narnia. One would think that in a magical land, such as Narnia would not celebrate or even know what Christmas is. That seems so odd to me. Also there’s an appearance by a gruff and leather clad Santa Clause. The kids mistake him for the Witch, since he also rides a sleigh. Without reading the books, I can only imagine that either Santa Clause came from Narnia or someone from Narnia came into the real world and started his myth here. Or he just felt like throwing ole Santa in there because Aslan was the “Jesus” of the story. I don’t know, but Santa was there and even gave the children armaments as gifts. Christmas in Narnia seems alot like Palestine.
Going into this movie, I did have some expectations that it was going to be grand tale. It is grand, but having it in Disney’s hands actually made it somewhat flawed especially in its delivery. Maybe taking the trilogy route to explain a cohesive story would have worked better. I saw LW&W as an Act II. The fact that it was Disney-fied might be why Narnia was just entertaining for me and not fantastic. It was your basic good versus evil, fantasy-driven movie, which will no doubt make a killing on DVD when it’s release. It’s done about $530 million world wide so far and I just read that the sequel: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (which is like the 4th book) has been green lighted. So until Peter Jackson makes the LOTR prequel The Hobbit, C.S. Lewis will reign supreme.
A few weeks ago, while out on the town a few friends of mine were all discussing vehemently about Alanis Morrisette's classic song, Ironic. In doing so, we sang and spoke the lyrics and really came to the conclusion that all of the stories and people she mentioned in the song, including the hook actually didn't really suffer from irony, but just really pure, fucking bad luck.
Sing along with me:
It's like rain, on your wedding day. It's a free ride, when you've already paid. It's the good advice, that you just didn't take And who would've thought? It figures See? Not very, ironic at all.
So this morning, Baby Boy, one of the conversationalist on the topic, brought something to my attention that I thought was actually pretty frikkin ironic. He told me about an article he read about an Anti-Gay Preacher Arrested for Soliciting Sex from a Male Undercover Cop. I hadn't heard about it at all and I googled it. (When "googled" became a word, I'll never know.) Sure enough, I found an article written on the website, Morons.org that spoke about it. For your convenience, I've cut and pasted the article.
"Southern Baptist Convention executive committee member and South Tulsa Baptist Church senior pastor Lonnie Latham has spoken out on several occasions against homosexuals and against gay marriage. But perhaps the lady doth protest too much.
Latham was arrested by Oklahoma City police after asking an undercover officer posing as a male prostitute to join him in his hotel room for oral sex. He was booked into an Oklahoma County jail and released on $500 bail. His 2005 Mercedes was impounded. KOCO reports that the arrest took place in the parking lot of the Habana Inn, where locals have complained about male prostitutes flagging down cars.
Latham claims he was "set up" and was merely "pastoring to police." It just happens his way of "pastoring to police" involved asking for oral sex in an area known for its male prostitutes. Unconventional, to say the least." Now that's fucking ironic? Don't you think?
I had one of the coolest days ever yesterday! I not only had a great weekend hanging out in the city with Kenny, but I was able to go see WWE's RAW on Monday Night. I was extremely excited, because I am a fan of the sports entertainment/professional wrestling stuff, but I can't watch it all the time. I do try to watch them when they come on. So when Kenny got tickets for us, I was happy as hell. I haven't been to a wrestling event since I was about 8 years old and Hulk Hogan was the man back then. I've been following WWE a little, but not alot since The Rock left. However, I do know who's in the organization now. I had awesome seats and I sooo wanted to see my favorite wrestlers, like John Cena, Kurt Angle, Shelton Benjamin and Chris Masters and I got to see all of them in their full sweaty glory! I'll never forget this night!
This New Year's Eve, I wanted to recover from the evil that was Christmas this year. If you haven't read it yet, check out the post for Surviving Christmas. So I decided to have my family and a few friends over for some fun and a small get together. Given that a large part of my family is currently in the South, there's only a handful of us here in NYC. So invited them over to my place. I thought it wasn't going to happen, because alot of it was dependent on my sister - who would have been able to drive everyone to my place. So my little sister didn't tell me that she decided to come over and bring everyone with her until about 7PM.
I had no food or drink at the house. My tree was still up and it needed to come down since I needed the room for the people that was coming over that night as well. So the tree came down in about a half hour with the packing the lights and ornaments. (Thanks Kenny!) Then my best friend Mikey, (you know the one who disappeared) comes over, since he was in the city visiting his family. So me, him and Kenny go to get KFC since all the supermarkets were now closed in my area. I get to KFC and it's packed. Apparently we weren't the only ones with this idea. So we grabbed a few buckets of chicken, side dishes and some drinks and headed back to Calle Sequenta y Seis.
My family arrives and as usual, they're loud, boisterous and just plain ghetto. It was great! Trav of course can't take but so much of my family, since it drains him of all life and logic when they're around. I try to tell him to try to stop to comprehend them all, but he can't help himself. His theories on fucked up my family is are usually corrected and getting several of them in one room can prove to be problematic. Here's the checklist of events that night:
1). My mom and Aja are bickering, because my mom can't stand Beyonce and my sister continuously plays anything Beyonce/Destiny's Child in the car whenever she's in it.
2). Michon, my cousin brings her baby's daddy (Perry) along, whom are not even together anymore. Oh she also has a new boy on the side and he sleeping with someone else as well, but yet they have a child together and live in the same apartment.
3). My fugitive best friend is telling me how he's moving back to NYC, because "VA is too hot right now". Yeah right, after the police stopped by my grandparents house looking for him, because he has an outstanding warrant for his arrest, I wouldn't go back either.
4). I introduce everyone to the new guy in my life, Kenny.
5). It was proven that my little cousin Michelle is in the running for being the Biggest Ghetto Toddler ever. Trav is convinced she's been brainwashed by BET. At one point in the evening before midnight, we switched to BET's 106th and Party New Year's Eve show and Sean Paul performed. My cousin then proceeded to dance like Sean Paul and the just like the hoochies in the video. She then goes into a split and bounces up and down humping my floor. She's 3 years old people! It's nuts. She's obviously waiting for her chance to perform at the Playa's Club.
6). Trav has a headache from my family's oozing ghetto nature and his laughing at my mother's shameless statement about her milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard. Knowing how long it's been since my mom had a man, I'm thinking her milkshake might be powdered right now. Sorry mom - I had to go there. =)
Midnight comes. 2006 is here. We have champagne in the house (Thanks Kenny again!) Our phones are ringing. We're receiving text messages. We're trying to call family members and loved ones with ease or some technical difficulty. Then around 1:00am after more Soul Train antics by my little cousin, they leave. We clean up some and I head to bed after a long night. Then I watch my time honored tradition of the Honeymooners marathon on Channel 11 and fall asleep with a smile on my face for the new year.
Here's to a Happy, safe and prosperous New Year's to everyone!
