Thinking Outloud:Necessary Actions

I’ve always been that “You Know What Would Be Cool” guy. You know the one who has all these great ideas and then never do anything with them. That’s me. Down to the very last bone.

For years, I’ve always been creative, inventive, and talented when it came to putting my imagination to good use. I’ve been doing it since I was kid. Coming up with various scenarios for my toys to engage in. I used to create plots, sub-plots, side-adventures, you name it – I was doing it even though I had no idea what I was doing back then. I was doing it all based on no pre-existing storyline, just existing characters put into new situations. Those were my building blocks. However, I’ve never acted on these simple impulses to create and introduce them on a grander scale than telling what I did to my mom. As a kid, I would say you know what would be really cool ….then go off on something and have fun doing it. Of course, my mom gave me, “That’s nice honey, go back to playing.” statement. So I kept doing it.

It was the same in college. Just in talks with my roommate and other friends (actually just Chris), we used to endlessly theorize imaginary and cool scenarios for a number of characters we were fond of. “You know what would be cool….”. And that’s how it starts. It’s what got me started on developing a story based around a war between vampires and werewolves in the late 90’s. Imagine my utter shock and dismay when the movie Underworld came out a few years ago.

Even with myself, the comic book characters I create, all exist in my very own little, universe. Where all my adventures play out and expand and develop. And I still do the same thing with existing characters throughout the mediums I love. (i.e. comics, novels, movies, etc.) Sometimes the things I think of are fine. These things are the standard life goals, but what about the big ones? What about the ones we don’t seem to fully realize we’re capable of? My sense of failure sometimes comes out when someone else beats me to it. Take the concept of Underworld for instance. Even though my story was a novel, the premise was still the same. Then the movie came out, I was baffeled. Not at the fact that it was better than my story, but the fact that I felt odd because I came up with the idea first. And yet, I slept on doing something about it. That was the first time I felt that I wasn’t doing something right with my talents.

So here’s the kicker kids, with all of this imagination and talent I’ve got oozing out of me, you might be wondering why I haven’t acted on it yet? Who the fuck knows? Maybe I felt I wasn’t ready. I was still in college, I couldn’t think beyond those parameters, but I do know this - just recently, a lot of things got me thinking about where I want my life to go. The directions it seems to be going in and I don’t want to live this life and not have a sense of accomplishment. I don’t want to go through life and only accomplish what we all should accomplish, like getting a degree, getting a good job, being in good health, living in happiness, having a family, etc. I don’t want to be in the corporate rate race for the next 10-15 years of my life. I want to make a name for myself and do the things I think I was destined for. And I think I am finally getting there where I can do it. What brought this about you may ask? Two things: Kevin Smith and just recently Snakes On A Plane.

I realized that I just don’t create characters, I write for them too. I develop storylines and back story. I create drama and circumstance. Kevin Smith is that exact same person. He’s one of my idols and one of the deities I worship. (The other is Joss Whedon.) I love Kevin’s work, whether it’s on a movie screen or in a comic book. He’s a versatile and talented individual. I look up to him in every facet of my work, because I feel I am like him. He loves what he does and he took a chance with his art and talent and took it beyond what he knew was possible. That’s what I want to do. I want to be the black Kevin Smith.

Then there’s Snakes On A Plane. Without having seen this film, the writers got paid a big, truck load of cash for this script. Snakes On A Plane isn’t groundbreaking, but it’s just one of the hundreds of movies that get made and I know I can turn out a better script and a better story than half of them. I did that with Freddy vs. Jason before it was released. I wrote my own version of their meeting and mine worked so much better and it was believable after I saw the movie finally. And I started it with, as always, “You know what would be cool….”

All I know there are screenwriters out there getting paid to do screenplays and making money off of them, good or bad. It’s time for me to stop complaining about them. It’s time for me to take some action; I dream of ideas better than Snakes On A Plane.

I’ve got a few projects I am developing at the current moment and they’re in the idea stages, but many of them have been mapped out. They just need an outlet. I got a screenwriter’s book the other day to help me with formats and scene descriptions. I love comic books, so I am writing something that I plan on submitting to DC Comics when it’s done. I love movies and television so it’s only right that I continue on with those areas as well with some of the ideas I have. Not to mention the drawing aspect of my life, which I’ll tackle with as much zeal and exuberance. I have total faith and confidence in myself now. I plan on putting my god given talents to good use.

You know what would be cool, if I actually did this?

Yes, it damn sure would be.

Weekend Viewing

This weekend was filled with foreign film watching. Mostly because of the rain, I stayed in the house. Saturday night I watched Banlieue 13 aka District B13. This was a French action film from director Luc Besson (one of my favorites). It showed here in the States back in June, but I missed it, due to my involvement in putting together an art show for a friend of mine. This is the second French action/martial arts movie I’ve seen in my life. The other was Brotherhood of the Wolf and I loved that one. B13 is on par with this, if not higher in terms of just standards. B13 is what the Transporter should have been, which was another Luc Besson favorite of mine. The story is about a part of Paris that’s been cut off from the rest of society in 2010, by a wall erected around it by the government. Of course naturally, inside the wall things are pretty bad; drugs, gangs, poverty, but there's one lone man who takes it upon himself to try to get rid of the drug cartel living inside. The action was top-notch and introduced me to a physical discipline called parkour, which is featured heavily in the film. Parkour is when the person attempts to pass obstacles in the fastest and most direct manner possible, using vaulting, jumping, climbing and there are specific Parkour movements incorporated. It's a fascinating concept. The movie also had a serious hottie in it by the name of David Belle, who by the way is the co-founder of the discipline. He’s got the sickest physique and so many tattoos. And you know how I am sucker for tattooed bad boys. He just shot up the list. He did all his own stunts without the aide of wires. The opening roof chase scene in the first 15 minutes of this movie is legendary and I recommend this movie to everyone with the American DVD hits on September 5th. I’ll get it then myself.

The next movie was Shinobi: Heart Under Blade, which is a Ninjitsu Romance movie from Japan. It’s set during the Japanese Warring States period and is about two clans the Iga and Kouga that have been producing ninjas and warlords for hundreds of years. In an effort to consolidate his reign and get rid of these threats, the Shogun sets up a feud to take out the clans and eliminate the villages. Unfortunately, the two new leaders of the clans happen to be secretly married right before the feud started. So they’re torn between duty and love. So it sets to the stage for craziness. The ninjas of the movie are sick and have some great abilities. Definitely a beautiful movie and on par with Hero or House of Flying Daggers.

Then last, but not least, I watched Bad Education from Pedro Almodovar. It was another great movie, with a fantastic cast and acting. It had everything you wanted in a murder mystery, a la Alfred Hitchcock – sexual abuse, Catholic priest, trannies, drug abuse, sex, and a cute Mexican guy, trying to play pure a Castilian Spaniard. And now thanks to Baby Boy and his abusive Hispanic teachings, I now know the difference between the two. He’s a horrible language coach by the way. Anyway, it was a captivating little ditty about two friends being reunited after not seeing each other since their childhood. When Ignacio gives Enrique a script to read called The Visit, that’s based on their childhood. The movie is thrust into a large tale of seduction, innocence lost and taken and plain discovery and oh and plus a murder mystery down the road. Gael Garcia Bernal is absolutely amazing as Ignacio/Juan/Zahara (yeah he played like 3 people in the movie). This was a movie that took me a long time to see, but I am glad I finally got to see it.

Movie Review: Snakes On A Plane

Okay, I admit I was one of the people/geeks who fed into the hype that is the phenomenon that is SOAP. Sometimes, I would just shout out “Snakes On A Plane!” as a person with Turret’s Syndrome would. Sometimes I would even answer a question that way. “Yes. Snakes On A Plane.” I loved the idiot concept and sheer lunacy of it all. The title alone is historical. So when I went to go see it, I knew exactly what I was getting into. So I checked my brain at the door and loved every single moment of this movie.

The movie’s plot is pretty basic. Someone witnesses the murder of a federal prosecutor at the hands of gangster Eddie Kim. A FBI agent, Neville Flynn (Samuel Jackson) convinces the guy to testify against Eddie in Los Angeles while under federal protection. On the flight from Hawaii to LA, Eddie Kim's people have unleashed a zoo full of poisonous, pissed off snakes onboard in order to kill the witness, bring down the plane, or both. That’s when the madness starts. Snakes On A Plane is deliciously tacky. It’s a B-movie that thinks it's a B-movie and wears it proudly, like it was an A+. That’s why I loved it. I didn’t take itself seriously. The script was ridiculous, complete with groan-to-laugh inducing and disposable cliched cookie-cutter characters (a kickboxing champion just happens to be on the same flight) tossed about like stale movie house popcorn. Where SOAP does get things right is the inventive, freaky, scary good snake attacks. You gotta love these pheromone-juiced reptiles and the most sexually predatory pests in history (you may never feel safe in an airplane bathroom again). Along with amusing innovations like the "Snake-Vision"— a greenish, reptilian point of view that incites third grade giggles whenever presented, it was a fantastic ride.

The director David R. Ellis (who also did Final Destination 2) invokes outrageous, great fun, concocting even more outlandish deaths and human retaliations than the next. Between the aerial histrionics of turbulence, pilot incapacitation and error, as well as snake assaults that ratchet up the fast and venomous action, Ellis creates a movie through which it is impossible to sit still or even watch this thing quietly.

The acting wasn’t that great though. This wasn’t "Snakes on Broadway", it's Snakes on a Plane. Julianna Marguiles' was okay as the feathered-hair, flight attendant. The chic from the Clueless tv series, Rachel Blanchard, played the dumb strawberry blonde. Keenan Thompson played no one different than he would on SNL. Eddie Kim is the worst gangsta seen in recent memory. Bobby Cannavale got not screen time and he was the hottest thing in the flick. Flex's germphobic rap star, Three Gs, was annoying, but funny when he mentions his hit song "My Booty Go Thump," and only offers a semi-interesting performance - but mostly for the paranoia. Think Hudson from Aliens, but Black and less interesting. Sam, of course, does Sam. Except a little subtler.

I read that Jackson took on this role for the title alone. Which is odd for an actor to do these days, but he jumped at it. Also it was stated that the Internet community also inspired the latest profane entry into the pantheon of Samuel L. Jackson angry one-liners. And as also been widely reported, the reshoots made after production had wrapped were egged on by the fan craze and Jackson himself in order to beef up the movie from a punkass PG-13 to a kickass R. Flying on the strength of just the badassery of Sam Jackson with his take-no-crap remarks, SOAP holds its own. Let's not forget the stars of the show. The Snakes were wicked. And I was amazed at how I knew some breeds of snakes that were there.

SOAP as a film is wholly preposterous (is there any other kind in a movie this aggressively ludicrous?) complete with a convenient non-twist at the end, but it’s that reckless nature that I love so much about it. Yeah it was about as fast-paced as a runaway drink cart, but still it was packed with fun. Check it out if you’ve been wondering what all the fuss is about. If you don’t like snakes, don’t go. If you’re girlfriend/boyfriend doesn’t like snakes, leave them home. Hell, go see it while you’re high, either way you’ll still enjoy this film one way or another. Don’t expect academy award winning filmmaking here. Just plain muthafuckin snakes on a muthafuckin plane!

My New Kicks

So after two years, I finally got the Asics that were in the movie Kill Bill. When they first were released, the Onitsuka Tigers were actually limited edition Asics made from the exact pair that Bruce Lee wore in the movie Game of Death, which Uma Thurman ended up dressing up as in Kill Bill as a tribute to that movie. I looked all over the place for these sneakers, but could never find my size. So I gave up the search.

Until last week. I heard that these particular sneakers were not a re-release of the Onitsuka's, but an actual replica pair of the ones Uma wore in Kill Bill Volume 1. There are some subtle differences, like the shoe laces are black instead of yellow and the Onitsuka Tiger logo is not on the back of the kicks. They are so hot! I so can't wait to break them in as I take on the Crazy 88.

Censorship at its Worst

I am all for television being safe for kids. There are tons and tons of children friendly programming on television these days. Actually, there’s way more than when I was growing up. The kid’s shows these days are diverse and fun and full of great entertainment. If I learned anything from the cartoons that I was growing up, the more you know, the more you grow and knowing is half the battle. There were lessons involved. That was the 80s for you. Cartoons will have a tendency to reach kids in a postive way. If cartoons were thought of as negative they were not done. So why is one of the greatest cartoons in history, who's been out for decades being edited in 2006?!

This morning I read online that a parent was watching an old Tom and Jerry cartoon on the Boomerang Channel and felt that smoking in the show was inappropriate for her kids. She complained and somehow, one parent’s voice is heard and now Turner Broadcasting is going to really going to go through 1,500 episodes of Tom and Jerry and edit out any instances of smoking. WTF?!

You can read more about it here.

I have no idea what this world is going through. There is so many things going on in the world, but a parent is so concerned that her child will start smoking because she saw a cartoon cat do it?! Is it me or is parents expecting television to teach their children? I guess she’s “doing her part” against the war on terror here in the States. Has the parents not seen the show themselves?

Tom and Jerry have been on television since the 1940’s. Smoking wasn’t necessarily appropriate then either, but yet it was still on because people had a brain and wouldn’t let a cartoon cat dictate their lives. It was entertainment. There was a fucking war going on. People needed a laugh. There’s not much difference between then and now. What gets me is how naïve certain people can be in an effort to shield their child from things. It’s Tom and Jerry for fucks sake!!! They’re the most harmless show on television. I don’t know one person who started smoking because of them. Name anyone you know. Ask a stranger. Go ahead ask that person you know who smokes why they started smoking and guranfuckintee you that it was NOT because of an animated cat. That’s like saying “Oh why you’d become a ninja?” and you reply “Uhhhh…I saw a turtle do it.” Fucktard Parents!!!

Most kids learn how to smoke because their parents did it or they saw some kids at school doing it. If cartoons had this much of an affect on us, could you imagine this soceity if such things were outlawed? It would be chaos in the streets. It wasn't because Tom and Jerry have existed and lasted with very little turbulence and have become a staple in American culture. Then some crazy ass parent had to go and fuck it all up!

It’s outrageous! And from the looks of it, Turner is going to go through the entire Hanna Barbera collection and scan for smoking scenes. Well while we’re at it lets edit out some of the other stuff that might be deemed offensive too. Like:

1). Animal Cruelty. Whenever they were on the farm, Jerry had it out for that little baby duck Quackers, you know who spoke with a squeaky voice. Let’s get rid of all the notions of his cannibalism with cooking him alive on an open flame or his incessant need to kill. I am sure some child will want to start killing animals this way. Or how many times did Jerry fuck up Spike with a 2 by 4? I am sure that will have a negative affect on children and they’ll begin attacking other children with wooden planks.

2). Racism. How many times did we see Tom’s heavy weight, black lady owner Mammy Two-Shoes, with her Aunt Jemima skirt and her stockings rolled up to her knees? Even though this was edited and even voice casting fixed, it’s still there. I am pretty sure some kids will start calling black people coons from this. She’s too stereotypical. We must get rid of that image if we are to preserve America’s outlook on the Black Community.

3). Violence. The show is riddled with attacks from not only wood pieces, but wooden planks with a nail through it, clubs, bats, hammers, anvils, billiards, frying pans, electrocution, fire, a dozen household accidents, and tons of crazy and dangerous antics at a farm. I am sure that a child will see these things in their own house and use them against siblings. Don’t forget the episodes where a BBQ becomes a minefield of danger or the episode where a piano becomes a playground of evil. Let’s get rid of that too.

4). Intolerance. Jerry often played the upscale cat and often ignored his homeless friends. He wouldn’t associate with them. That’s not teaching kids to be equal and to love thy fellow man when the chips are down. This is unnacceptable.

Next thing you’ll know Warner Brothers will get a call and some parent will feel that certain things their cartoons show are inappropriate for their children as well. Like the rampant use of a shot gun from Elmur Fudd, or Bugs Bunny’s cross-dressing behavior, The Coyote's pyromanic tendencies and love for explosives, or the similarities between Osama Bin Laden and Marvin the Martian. Hell I feel that the Bratz cartoon teaches children to be young hoochies and gold diggers, but you don’t see me complaining. Although I should, maybe I'll get some changes made.

Here’s a parenting tip, just tell your fucking kids that smoking is bad and not to do it. Tell them about the health complications. Tell them that it’ll make their breath stink and you’ll get cancer and that their hair will fall out. Don’t blame or censor an animated icon such as Tom and Jerry. It’s a cartoon - they’ll know the difference between animated life and real life unless the truth is too much for you.

The Recoil Crush

This is an attempt to clear my mind about some things. Talking seems to help and since right now, I am talking purely to myself in the hopes that someone out there is reading and is empathetic about it, then I'm good. However, before I get to my point I want you to know something...I'm insane. Yeah I said it. I'm nuts. I have to be in order to be to feel the way I do. So here goes....clearing my head.

A long time ago, I had a crush on this guy. Hell I've even written about on this blog. And for a long time, I thought....I thought the feelings had left me. I thought I was done with it. I thought I had actually exorcised those feelings from me and moved on, but I guess it didn't leave or worse - it keeps igniting anew at particular times. You know what I am talking, it's that rare, but can happen, third phase of the crush - the recoil crush - and I don't like it.

When I first met him, I really adored him. I got butterflies whenever I saw him. I got stupid whenever I talked to him. I smiled really hard when he said funny things. I'd do things that I don't like doing, like do odd things to make him to get to know/notice me. I got him a birthday gift. I bought him things he really liked. Took him to dinner. Go to movies. Chill at his apartment and be really close. Walked with him and his dog. We read the same books, so we talked about them. We spent time together. Shopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond for his apartment. All types of shit. It had all the makings of a romantic journey. I felt like some 13 year old girl. When I first met him, I couldn't get enough of him, but something happened. Something veered to some obsure left and I let him and the crush go.

I was actually cool with it, after a time, because I didn't get it. I didn't get what it meant. We talked about it and he didn't want anything, but a friendship from me. Which I understood, after I picked my heart up off the floor. He had his trepidations, so did I, but I was willing to kinda throw caution to the wind and see where it went. He didn't, so I hit that 3rd wall and entered the "friend zone". You know which zone I am talking about. The one we invariably all go into or create ourselves through some odd circumstances. It made me hate having crushes. It shows you how much you don't have control over your feelings, because everything is fleeting and in flight with like this odd affection that you can't seem to get a grasp on. It sucks ass! And they can hurt so bad, because you'll never know why they don't see you for who are and how much you care about them. At one point, I had a crush on a guy who didn't even know I existed. Well he did, he chose not to acknowledge it. I'll write about that one day soon. Anyway...

Month and months and more months go by. We speak online and often, sometimes a call or two. I don't see him much, but a few occassions at the train station. Then we speed up to more and more months later and right on into this saturday afternoon, when we have lunch together for the first time in eons or by some wierd twist of gay fate. He wants to hang with me. He did this once before. He arbitrarily wanted to see me one night. And like an idiot, I went to his crib. I led myself back to the same vunlerable spot I always found myself. Sitting on his couch, wondering, wishing, that just if, he'll make a move or say something. "Do something muthafucka!", I used to scream in my brain. All the while knowing damn well that he won't. Sigh.

So today, during lunch he asked me what I was doing for the rest of the night and I let him know I am going to check out a movie later. "Give me a call, when you do. I'll go with you." Not only did he invite himself, but I didn't say no to him either. Mistake #1. So after I left, I thought about it for a little and realized that I am utterly insane to let a guy get to me like this and tried so eagerly to dismiss it. So we cut to later when he meets me and the roomie for the movies. He's being cute and adorable and I am trying to really keep my cool and not fuckin melt all over the place. We get to the movies and everything is cool. Afterwards, we all walk to the train, since we take the same one. (Yeah he lives in the same neighborhood too.) On the way, during our 3-way conversations, I noticed certain looks he gave me, when I wasn't particularly talking to him. I tried to shrugg them off. We get to our stop and we both go to get something to eat at the 24-hour store. The roommate leaves us, because at this point, the tension has built and he felt and didn't want to be in the same blast area.

We both aren't that hungry and decided to share a sandwich. We get our food, joke around in the store. Aggravate each other with being silly. Typical shit that we do. Then we leave the store. We split up our stuff and then its awkard time. Where I don't know what's going to happen next. Where I don't know what he's thinking. Where I don't know what the next step will be. In a non-chalant way, he had asked me to come over to watch a movie, without really saying those exact words. This is the second attempt, because he hinted at it on the train. Being the strong one that I claim to be, I dismissed it. So at the end of the night, I told him thanks for hangin out with me, I gave him one of those street, hand-shake hugs and walked off.

I get home and I share what just happened and how I felt, because my friends knew where I was. They are concerned partially due to the fact that this guy is an utter flake. He has a tendency to disappear and reappear when the mood suits him and be very flirtatious and adorable when its necessary and I tend to fall for it everytime. And he fuckin knows it or he's just that dense.

Where I falter is that desire to have him around, that recoiling feeling that I despise so well. The fuckin' place where I stored this crush, has started to pop at the seams. I hate that I get like this and become so jello-y when I am around him. Hell I had a dream about the fuckhead that same night! I want to be in that place where I'll stop thinking of him. Arrgghhhhhh!!! He doesn't get it. And I am sucker for allowing myself to get wrapped up in it.

All in all, I know that there will be nothing to come from it, but there's that faint glimmer of hope in the back of my noggin that allows this shit to process. It doesn't get me anywhere, but frustrated and aggravated that I still have this "thing" or whatever it is for this dude. Since I am still in the basement of love's house, I know this isn't very becoming of me, but there's also a part of me realizes that I like him, it's not in the forefront of my mind like, but like nonetheless. I know how I feel. However, liking him is the problem. I don't want to, if it's going to make me become dumb, deaf and blind in the process.

I feel better now that I have that off my chest, but that fucking recoil. It's a bitch. I'll get that feeling out of me one way or another. And soon.

Correlations and Conclusions on Dating

So I am back to my crazy stance on dating and it’s satirical effect on my life. I haven't written about this in a long time, because frankly dating scares the living shit out of me now. At this stage, you’d think I’d have a handle on affairs of the heart and I really don’t at times. It still feels like I am 19 years old again and I am still getting a handle on it and then there are times when I am on point with my decisions. I decided to take a further look into some of the issues I am having with dating and how I feel about it.

I took a deep hard look on some things and I saw things that I do normally and some of the things that I don't normally, but these depend on the circumstances. However, I did find that am clearly lacking that pivotal and important bone in my body that allows me to disconnect myself from actually liking a guy too soon right after we meet. Due to me not having this bone, I tend to like a guy a whole lot while I get to know him. It puts me in a good mood and I feel like I’m walking with my head in the clouds. It makes me feel good, because not only is he attractive, but also because he’s new to me. When something is new to you, you want to know everything about it right? And every bit of news makes you smile. I get like that with everything. I watch a movie and see an actor I like; I want to see other things he’s in. I read a book; the author was really good; I want to read other books they’ve written. The list can go on and on. Hell it even goes as far as a porno actor for me. This point of view goes for everything I come across in my life, but when I apply it to men, it’s not the same procedure for dating and I am unwillingly to get control of emotions in that area to actually dissuade myself. Therein lies the problem. Does this happen to anyone else?

What’s actually happening is that the attraction is forming outside of my control. This is where I hit walls. My expectations shoot way up and then something happens to knock it all the way back down again. And it’s usually me, because I guess my intentions are not my actions. So I tread, very, very lightly with guys now. However, here’s where it gets tricky and where I hear the most from friends. What I should be doing as I am told is a myriad of four possible things:

1). Make new friends and/or acquaintances.
2). Don’t go looking for love. Let it find you.
3). Find someone who agrees with you on not getting into anything serious.
4). Find a hook-up.

And in no concerning order. (Scratches head.) Let’s examine these suggestions one at a time.

Suggestion #1. Make New Friends and/or Acquaintances.
I am all for making new friends, but it seems in the gay community we have enough “friends” and not enough “boyfriends” to go around. In my effort to meet new people and get to know them, there’s a certain degree of attraction that permeate conversations. It really isn’t my intention for this to happen. It just does. You can have simple conversations with guys and somehow, somewhere in the middle of it all, very, bad thoughts can creep in and lead you down a path you never intended to walk down. However, it happens more so than normal and yet we never learn from our mistakes. (I should know.) What annoys me the most is that I don’t really know them or who they are as a person. Then the attraction eventually leads to the inevitable “catching feelings” area from either party. This is where things can get touchy and getting hurt (for either party) is the next station stop. This overwhelming feeling of stupidity waifs over me, like the smell of arroz y gandoles coming through my bedroom window from my landlord’s kitchen beneath me. My intentions are not always to be that attracted to someone at first, but it tends to start moving in that direction along the way. This is typical and usually happens in the first encounter. Why does that always happen? Let’s face it, this is a horrible reality, but it happens. What’s even more ugly is that many friendships occur in the gay world when being able to date that person is not an option. That usually stems from screw-ups at about midway through the courtship. Unclear communication is common. Wrong expectations become the wrong intentions and everything goes up in a flame like the pier during PRIDE.

Suggestion #2. Don't Go Looking For Love. Let It Find You. Hmmmm. I’ve had it a few times in my life so far. If there’s anything I’ve learned, you can’t go looking for love. It happens naturally and over time and blah, blah, blah. Sorry to be so cavalier on this, but love is not in the cards for me right now. I don’t think I can find love at a bar, or a club or even online. Making a connection with people in these venues are easy sure – find love in them – highly unlikely. Don’t get me wrong, it has happened before and to so many other folks out there and I am not going to knock it. Love will happen when it’s time. Forcing it causes all kinds of problems anyway, like severe frustration, high expectations, and acute loneliness. It'll come. Love takes time blah, blah, blah.

Suggestion #3. Find Someone Who Doesn't Want Anything Serious. Looking for someone who doesn’t want anything serious is actually the easiest to find. Yeah right! For other people it seems really easy. I am the only one who seems to be having difficulties with it. Because I really don't want anything serious and yet I find people who are very, relationship oriented. Whatever happened to casual dating and getting to know someone before getting into a relationship? Did that practice end when the Crusades did, because I don't see it happening anywhere. We seem to consistantly determine someone is right for us based on several conversations through an IM window and a few phone conversations. If I do meet a guy who doesn’t want anything serious, that’s great, but it tends to go another route after awhile, unless both people are serious to commit to not committing. This is where it sucks, because these are also the ones that are extremely hot, but yet somehow sensibly damaged in some aspect. They’re either really mistrusting, really jaded, has a fan club of internet groupies, never in a good space for it, cheating on their current boyfriends, bi-polar, on medication for depression, or lives states away. Then somehow feel that everyone is going to fall in love with them, so they keep distant. A little too distant. Those are usually the good ones and the ones who don't want anything serious, but yet they've already made up their minds about it. Yeah they’re easy to find, but they come with a price. (Believe me I know this all too well.) I am having a hard time with this particular situation.

Suggestion #4. Finding a hook-up. Okay. This shit right here - I could never do this correctly. This is also something that seems really easy for other people I know. I am clearly lacking that other bone in my body as well to do this. I don’t have that disconnect that normal gay guys have. I think I had it when I was 19, where it is now I don’t know now. It keeps crossing over with the idea of an actual connection with someone, that's more than physical. I’ve had several failed attempts from that god-awful website, Adam4Adam. A4A is entertaining for pure voyeuristic intentions, but can be ultimately such a waste of time, entertaining yes, but such a waste. I kept crossing lines with asking people their names and telling them I don’t have any x-rated pic. One guy even got upset because I didn’t have a camera phone to take one right then and there for him. Apparently that’s none of these things are a good practice in the hook up world. I would like more substance from guys, but hook up sites are not the way to go. Hooking up can be fun, but you’re not really going to get someone to like you further than the first encounter. Yet, we still kinda do it. LOL.

Here's a conclusion: This shit [dating] is so utterly out of control that it boggles my mind every now and then. Maybe it’s me. Maybe my head being in the clouds has really veiled my judgment on things. Or it could be that seriously insane intimacy issue I just figured out I have. LOL. Either way, there is just so much we have to do as single people these days. We have to be armed to the teeth emotionally just to get through dinner with a guy sometimes or just remain highly guarded until we find out more about the guy. Hell, it's hard to arrange a dinner with a guy these days.

Here's another conclusion and a correlation for you: dating can be ardous. Yet, we still stick in the game. We keep hitting that reset button on guys and hope things will be different. Can they be? Sure they can. Will you let it be different? It's up to you.

Movie Review: Clerks 2

Clerks 2 is a funny, fuckin movie. I was in tears for a good portion of this movie, because Kevin Smith is a god to me. He has a whimsical and irreverent glee to his writing characters that you can’t help, but laugh at the utter absurdity of it all and it works. I love pretty much everything he’s done. Well I am still unsure of Jersey Girl, but he wanted to do a romantic comedy. Anyway, if he was do a sequel to any movie, I wanted it to be this one. If you don’t remember the original movie, do yourself a favor and go back and watch it. Watch that one, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back. They had something to do with Clerks 2 if anything, some plot points.

As for the movie, ten years ago best friends Dante Hicks (BRIAN O'HALLORAN) and Randal Graves (JEFF ANDERSON) were New Jersey mini-mall clerks still slacking off together in their early 20s. Now, Kevin Smith checks back in to see what kind of changes have rocked their lives -- in work, romance and their eternally raucous life philosophy. What he discovers is that never before have so many still done so little while having so much fun doing it. Now working in the fast-food universe, Dante and Randal have managed to maintain, and even hone, their in-your-face attitudes, agile skill with vulgarities and unbridled love of screwing with the customers. But they're also faced with such shocking new prospects as marriage, leaving Jersey and finding real careers.Kevin Smith pushes his nothing-is-sacred humor right to the edge and then takes a leap as Dante and Randal invade the world of Mooby's fast food restaurant, where the slogan is "I'm Eating It." Behind the counter, where the only other employees are an uber-nerd (TREVOR FERHMAN) and an entirely too sexy manager (ROSARIO DAWSON), Dante and Randal are free to offend anybody and everybody who so much as orders fries in their inimitably irreverent way.

But, even as riotous debates rage between them over such burning matters as George Lucas v. Peter Jackson v. Jesus, change is on the horizon. When Dante announces that he's going to leave Jersey forever and marry Emma Bunting (JENNIFER SCHWALBACH), Randal plots a going-away party so shocking it will draw the police, the fire department and which will probably bring potential protests from PETA, while altering their lives forever.

One thing’s for certain, this isn’t the Clerks I loved, but then it is, but something else too. All the elements are the same, it’s just that Kevin Smith is older and more experienced and so are his characters. What we have is a psuedo-romantic comedy, complete with jokes that run from oral sex, homosexuality, drugs, being a virgin, being a geek, being a loser and everything in between. For once, you see in the characters that being a slacker for so long, has ensured that it’s the only thing they can do/have left and it's effecting them now. Kevin’s introspective look into this makes the film centered in understanding their nature. This isn't something they do for fun anymore it's become their lives and the the thought of growing up scares them. It’s a mature look at these people after all these years. It can get touching at times, which didn’t happen in Clerks. The first film was balls to the wall, witty banter that will forever be forged in my fragile little mind. Clerks 2 expands on that with a different offering and I loved it. There still those take no prisoners jokes, we've all come to love. With that intact it's a solid movie. You also can’t get enough of Jay and Silent Bob, since they have become cultural icons over the last 10 years. They’re here in all of their glory, because Clerks was the first movie you saw them in and it’s fitting that they’re back home and doing their shit as always.

Clerks 2 is definitely better than Jersey Girl, but don’t expect to be blown away either. Kevin Smith has a fan base. Either you get his humor or not. I recommend this movie only to the fans of his work. If you've never seen a Kevin Smith movie, go back and get an appreciation for them before you venture to see the growth in his movie making and talent as a writer. He approached this one differently, but still gave you the same fun factor as the original, if not upped it a little. It also feels like he’s saying farewell to these characters, so it’s kinda sad to see this end, because you are not sure if we’ll ever get to see any of the characters from Kevin’s Smith Universe again. It’s a fitting end.

Final Grade

After months of not knowing, I finally was able to get my grades from the class I took in the Spring.

Evil Elmo

I found this article online today from a writer on the LA Times. It's hysterical and I am in 100% agreement. I wish I would have the stones to write something like this, but unlike him, I knew I could do nothing about Elmo's presence, but sit in hope that my little cousin, Michelle didn't get into like the other zombie children of America. Unfortunately, Elmo has to compete the Univsion-inept Dora the Explorer in Michelle's eyes and I don't mind it at all. Even though the thought of Dora's talking back-back would scare the shit out of me if was a child, it's better than that . Happy reading!
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Joel Stein: Elmo Is an Evildoer
The self-obsessed Sesame Street Muppet is destroying all that is holy on children's TV.
August 15, 2006

ELMO REFUSED to be interviewed for this column. I consider this to be a supreme act of cowardice. And it doesn't surprise me one bit. Elmo is an annoying tool.

Yes, I know that children love Elmo. But children are idiots. That's why we don't let them have jobs. Could you imagine an office full of children? They'd spend all day telling dumb jokes and talking about their poop. It would be like it was before women entered the workplace.

"Sesame Street" — which still has sharp, funny writing — is being destroyed by idiot cuteness. Not only is the patronizing, baby-talking Elmo usurping most of the hour, but "Sesame Street" — which debuted its 37th season Monday — added its first new female Muppet in 13 years: the sparkly haired, tutu-wearing, button-nosed, pink-skinned fairy goddaughter Abby Cadabby. Her shaky magic skills get her in situations she needs to get bailed out of, like the anti-"Bewitched."

Plus, she's got that creepy, throaty, little-girl Lindsay Lohan kind of voice, and a Paris Hilton-esque catchphrase: "That's so magic." When I watched "Sesame Street" in the '70s, the human cast and the Muppets were quirky adults who didn't talk down to me with baby voices. Now the human cast gets almost no airtime, and the show is dominated by Elmo, Baby Bear and, now, Abby Cadabby — preschoolers enamored by their own adorable stupidity.

The lesson they teach — in opposition to Oscar, Big Bird, Grover or Bert — is that bland neediness gets you stuff much more easily than character. We are breeding a nation of Anna Nicole Smiths.

I am not the only one who hates Elmo. Vernon Chatman and John Lee, the creators of MTV2's dark "Sesame Street" parody, "Wonder Showzen," think the evil red one is destroying the show."Elmo doesn't grow. People show him something and he laughs. He doesn't learn a lesson," says Lee. "It's the exact opposite of what old 'Sesame Street' used to do. Elmo has been learning the same lesson his whole life, which is that Elmo likes Elmo."

Chatman, who refers to Elmo as the Jar Jar Binks of "Sesame Street," worries that Elmo teaches kids to care only about themselves.

"Elmo is just a baby-voiced, self-obsessed character who is only concerned with Elmo," says Lee. "He just passively observes things: 'Elmo is looking at a sandwich. Elmo is eating a sandwich. Elmo is crapping out the sandwich and writing his name on the wall with it.' " The last celebrity to so obsessively refer to himself in the third person was Richard Nixon.

Whereas Count Von Count markets math and Oscar markets the acceptability of negative emotions, Elmo, brilliantly, just markets Elmo, leading him to be the show's cash cow, or whatever misshapen animal he's supposed to be.

I question not only Abby Cadabby, but all of Elmo's associates. You may recall that Elmo testified before Congress about music education. But you may not remember who requested Elmo's appearance: Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham, now in jail for taking at least $2.4 million in bribes. I'm not implying that Elmo has taken dirty money, but these are the kind of people Elmo surrounds himself with.

I understand that "Sesame Street" has to compete in a Nickelodeon-Disney Channel-Wiggles-Pixar universe. In fact, the new episodes start with " 'Sesame Street' is brought to you by the following … " and then, instead of gently mocking consumerism by listing letters and numbers, they actually show real spots for McDonald's, Beaches resorts, Pampers and EverydayKidz.com — the last of which apparently helps children spell only if they want to be rappers.

I desperately don't want the show to go away, so I know they can't afford to run the "Elmo accidentally drank bleach and died" episode. Instead, they need to simply take Elmo and his buddies and give them their own hour-long show for the idiot spawn. Then put Luis, Gordon and the cool Muppets on their own half-hour "Classic Sesame" for the kids who will one day actually contribute to our society.

Whichever of the two shows you watched would serve as a convenient litmus test for the rest of your life. "Which 'Sesame Street' did you watch?" will be code on college applications, Internet dating and job applications. Blue and red states will be divided not by presidential choices, but by Grover and Elmo. If we can't save all the kids, let's at least save the ones who can master speaking in first-person. The rest we'll use for reality TV stars.

4 Days Until...

"There are muthafuckin' snakes on the muthafuckin' plane!" - Samuel Jackson. SOAP.

It's coming and there's nothing you can do about it. This movie will fuckin' own me.

DVDs This Weekend

So since I spent a majority of this weekend. Resting and having a relaxing time catching up on sleep and working on some projects, (i.e. my screen plays and comic book scripts) I also spent it watching DVDs as I usually do, however this weekend's viewing enjoyment was one I have to share.

Phat Girlz. Avoid this movie at all cost. Unless you're an insane Mo'Nique fan, okay, but otherwise, avoid this movie like it had the Black Plague. Not the one that severely affects black cinema these days, but the one that took out half of Europe in the late 14th century. I don't even want to go into how stupid this movie was. I want the hours back from my life that I squandered on this one. I blame Larry.

Scrubs. I think one of the funniest shows left on television. Scrubs has always been a favorite of mine and I just recently scored Season 1 and 2, which I am ravenously going through in one sitting. I spent a majority of my weekend watching Season 1. It's such a hilarious show. Pretty inexpensive too. Check em out.

Reno 911!. Another funny show. I went back and watched some of my favorite episodes from my Season 1 box set. Handsdown, my favorites are the episodes with Terry, the gay prositute on skates. Nick Swardson, who plays Terry is insane. The first season is like $21. Get it!

Clerks. This was in honor of going to see Clerks 2 yesterday, which I will have a review for shortly. Another great movie. If you haven't seen this or any of the other Kevin Smith films, please do yourself a favor and watch this one and all his others. Well except Jersey Girl. I heard that one was on the same level as kitty litter.

Not 25 Anymore/Confessions From A Raging Insomniac

I know I am not 25 anymore, but I am behaving like it. When I was younger and didn’t have many cares and woes, I’d stay up late, go out, and have a good time and go to work the next day like I was made of Adamantium. (A fictional chemical substance often referred to as a metal. Wolverine has a skeleton laced with this invincible material for the non-geeks out there. So now you know.) Those were the days. College life. I’d go to Escuelitas with Sean and some other Enrique Cruz crew I was hanging out with then. Stay out till 3 or 4 and then go to work. I’d just pop open a pepsi, eat a pop-tart and go on with my merry way. And I was good. I am Dre's ego.

That’s not the case anymore.

Life is different. I am older. Life seems to be flying by and time isn’t what it used to be. I need my sleep. I’m clockin’ 30 and yeah I know I sound like an old man, but when I was younger, I think I seriously took sleeping for granted. In fact I know I hated it when I was in day care. I hated having to go sleep when I wasn’t ready. I’ve always been that way; fighting sleep like Freddy Krueger was after me. Now, I so fuckin cherish the sleep I get, it’s not even funny. It’s one of my favorite past times. Yes it recharges and it calms you, hell I even get wet dreams out of sleeping still, but sleep is one of those great things I tend to still not to do. I am a night owl. I stay up. Shooting the shit, doing nothing and everything, secretly wanting to be a the world's first african american ninja, but I am not 25 anymore. I can’t get by on 3-5 hours of sleep any longer. I need longer rest periods, cuz frankly this Ninja Negro is tired. And everything is a single serving.

I am writing this at work, just to keep awake.

My problem is I think I can actually hang out like that during the week now, when I know good and damn well that I got work in the morning. Even more so I slowly began to realize that I couldn’t function without at least 7 hours of sleep. I stay up with Baby Boy and Travis and watch movies till ungodly hours and expect to get up from that and have a full day of work and gym time and personal time. Including coping with work related stress, it’s hard to get a good nights sleep. And I am so dependant on coffee and its many incarnations, Starbucks, Dunkin’ Donughts, or the cart guy. I need it like air now and it’s so bad. I just need to frikkin sleep. I am not 25 anymore and it shows with these Kate Spades (bags) under my eyes all the time. You can swallow a whole pint of blood before you get sick.

And as I sit here and type this blog, I’ve counted the hours of sleep I’ve gotten over the last 2 days. I’ve gotten 6 total. I tried to get back on a regular sleeping schedule, even with the assistance of sleep aids, which are wonderful and non-habit forming (yeah right), they seem to do the trick, but I have force myself from falling asleep to television, or playing a video game, stressin’, getting on the computer or whatever stimuli I’ll have in my room. Based on this crazy ass insomnia I have, I have to get to sleep, because the last time this happened, Brad Pitt became someone’s alter ego in Fight Club. The first rule of….ahhh…see what happens when you watch tv before you go to bed. It affects your reality. Perception deteriorates. And blah blah blah.

Can I sleep at my desk? Nope.
Sleep in the bathroom? I’d fall into the toilet.
Actually go to bed on time? Please not without some Tylenol PM.

Did you know caffeine stays in your system for up to 12 hours? Who knew? I sure the hell didn’t, cuz I was throwing back some diet pepsi like it was going out of style. Maybe that’s my dreams are all nightmares and twisted Alice in Fucked-Up Wonderland shit. I’ve gotten some good screenplays from them though. I got 3 that I am working on now. [Hollywood here I come.]

Sleep is a luxury. I’d have a better chance at winning Mega Millions.

Actually, I can get a better sleep. I just need to stop fighting it. The first rule of…

I am Dre’s raging bile duct.

I must stop watching Fight Club before I go to sleep. Maybe I need to jerk off more? Hmmm. Jerking off to Fight Club? Yeah that works...

...I am rambling now.

Brick

Brick. One word. Great film. I watched this movie on Monday night after Baby Boy and I raided the Block for some movies. We picked up a few, but had to watch this one first, because technically we weren't supposed to have it because the movie wasn't supposed to be released until Tuesday. I heard some buzz about Brick when it was on limited release a few months ago and I had wanted to check it out when it was at one of the art houses here. Anyway, this was an awesome fuckin' movie. Definitely one of the better movies I've seen in a long time, just from a filmmaking perspective alone. Solid story. Great fuckin dialogue. Phenomenal atmosphere and grit. It's like the hybrid script if Donnie Darko met the Maltese Falcon. Please check this movie out. I can't say/stress it more.


Here's a synopsis from the box.

In a modern-day Southern California neighborhood and high school, student Brendan Frye's piercing intelligence spares no one. He's not afraid to back up his words with actions, and knows all the angles; yet he prefers to stay an outsider, and does - until the day that his ex-girlfriend, Emily, reaches out to him unexpectedly and then vanishes. His feelings for her still run deep; so much so, that he becomes consumed with finding his troubled inamorata. To find her, he enlists the aid of his only true peer, the Brain, while keeping the assistant vice principal only occasionally informed of what quickly becomes a dangerous investigation. Brendan's single-minded unearthing of students' secrets thrusts him headlong into the colliding social orbits of rich-girl sophisticate Laura, intimidating Tugger, substance-abusing Dode, seductive Kara, jock Brad and - most ominously - non-student the Pin. Only by gaining acceptance into the Pin's closely guarded inner circle of crime and punishment that Brendan will be able to uncover hard truths about himself, Emily and the suspects that he is getting closer to.

The Nation Residing In My House

Having Baby Boy live with me so far is like having a little brother, who's somewhat close to my age, more extroverted and a complete hornball.

I've known Chulo for a very, long time (since he was 16) and he never ceases to amaze me how funny and wierd he is at the same time, but it's a good wierd. The Nation of Chulo is definitely in my house now and there's no mistaking it. It's like having a highly, political twink live with you, who's got these other-wordly opinions on just about everything and it's so hysterical to me the things he gets himself into. Then to have him interact with Travis, who is also very political and intelligent - I'm usually in tears from the laughs.

It's good to have him here though. It's also shown how he's definitely a part of my life, being that I am his creator and all. Yes, you all can blame me for any Darth Chulo shenanigans and mishaps that has happened over the years, because when I made him, I forgot to include an off switch. He's incouragable.

He's been here for about 2 weeks now and it's felt longer than that for some reason. That just means he's having a great time and we're all in for a world of craziness and laughter for the next 2 months.

God help me.
God help us all.

Thankful

I got a frantic voicemail at work today from my mom exclaiming that my sister had been in a car accident. I immediately called her back, on my sister's phone, which she had on her. The first thing out of her mouth was that "My sister was fine". I thanked God for the news, because I had gotten really worried that I would hear the worst news from her.

My mom explained that a car hit her as she was turning the corner, she spun out of control and hit a fire hydrant. If it wasn't for the fire hydrant, my sis would have went into a wall. The rear end of the car was totaled. My sister was rushed to the hospital, where she got checked out. Other than the soreness, my sister is fine. Not even a scratch. She's just banged up a little, which makes her very, lucky. However, the new MacBook in her trunk wasn't so lucky and didn't make it. That was totaled as well. That however, doesn't matter as long as my sister was fine. My mom told me not to go the hospital, because they released her sometime after I talked to her. She left the hospital with some sorness and a presciption for Mortin, which I think is a fine toss up when dealing with your life. I am happy that this wasn't serious.

I've talked to her and she sounds really sad and bummed that it happened, but she's also very, thankful because it could have been worse.

Hot Fuzz

If you don't know this by now, one of my favorite movies of all time is Shaun of the Dead, which is now a cult classic. I watch it all the time and I recommend it to anyone to check out that genius of a film. It's one of the best things to come out of the U.K.

This blog however is about the good news I just found out today. The guys behind Shaun of the Dead (Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright) has finished filming and is releasing a new movie called Hot Fuzz. I am so excited about this, but the fact that I have to wait until March to see it is pure bullocks. LMAO. (Their British. What can I say?) I would rather have a sequel to Shaun of the Dead, but I'll take this one instead. This time around as you can see from the pic to the right, is a cop movie with laughs and action and I can't wait to see it.

I think Simon Pegg (Shaun) is a comedic genuis and his best friend (in real life), Nick Frost (Ed) is just as funny. I read that their panel at the San Diego Comic Con was hyterical and I so wish I was there. However, I found out they had podcasts on iTunes, so I've been watching that. Then I found their website, which has more video blogs. So I have been watching them all day. If you can check it out, Video Blog 9 is absolutely the funniest shit. Cheers mate!

Brokeback Joker

WB annouced late last night that Heath Ledger has signed on to play The Joker in the Batman Begins sequel, scheduled for 2008. All I can say is "wow" and "huh". I can't say that I am excited about this because I've never seen Heath Ledger play a villian/bad guy persona in any of his films. So it's slightly difficult to place him in the role. Then again, Batman Begins has a younger feel to it Christian Bale was awesome as Batman (would I wouldn't have placed either) and Heath would be a welcome addition. It's just you don't expect him to be gritty or psychotic enough. The Joker is fuckin' nuts. To play him would be boderline schizophrenia for any actor. Maybe he wanted to to do just that, stretch his acting chops with something he would never think of doing. It's worked for Johnny Depp with Captain Jack Sparrow.

Batman Begins was such a great movie
and a faithful interpretation of the Dark Knight
and I am sequel will be as well. Other than the several incarnations in various cartoons and a few live action appearances, the Joker hasn't been seen as a live person on films, since Tim Burton's Batman in 1991. Jack Nicholson's performance was legendary, only really due to him doing years of crazy characters in film; it was expected. I didn't think Kevin Spacey would make a good Lex Luthor, because Gene Hackman had that role down pact, but boy was I wrong. Heath could be good.
We'll see soon enough.